I'm ready for you!

Mikayla,

I just want you to know that there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, dream of you, picture you, and talk to you!!! I don't know what you look like, where you are, or what you like and don't like, but I do know that I love you very much!!! You are so much a part of my life now, even though we are not together.

My friends and family members ask about you all of the time. They ask such questions as:

• Do you have any news of your adoption?
• What about a picture?
• How old is she?
• When will you get to bring her home?
• Why is the process taking so long?
• How long do you need to stay in the country?
• Do you know how lucky she will be to have you as a mom?:-)
• Will you adopt two children or one?

I do not know the answers to any of these questions, but I love the fact that so many people are hoping and wishing for you to be a part of my life as well as theirs. You are already a special person to so many people.

This past weekend I worked on your bedroom because I knew it was time. It probably will look like an ordinary kid's room to you, but to me, I dumped my heart and soul into it. You are too special for one coat of paint, so as much as I dislike painting, your room got TWO coats!! :-) You are also too special to have off white electrical outlets, so I spent five crazy hours trying to rewire new outlets. It should have been easy, but one of the outlets was a nightmare. In the middle of trying to wire it I called Papa because I knew that he could rescue me from the agony I was in. You would be amused to know that even Papa didn't know how to wire it!!! He claims that I did not give him all of the correct information over the phone, but whose story are you going to believe? Mine or his?

Regardless, the room is painted, the border is up, the chair is recovered, and the curtains light up the room. I do not have your furniture in the room yet because I am still using it as a guest room until you arrive. I have your quilt lying on the bed so that the sun shines on it every morning and makes the room smile!

So.....if you were waiting until I was ready for you, I am all set....you can come home now! I am ready for this new stage of my life called Motherhood. I will wait for as long as it takes to get you home.

My wish for you is that you stay healthy and are happy during our waiting period.

Love,

Mommy

Keep the Faith....

As I type this entry tonight, my mind races....will I ever get to take my daughter home...is she okay...is she well taken care of....does she sense my love for her????

The quietness over the past month, as I waited patiently for the Nepalese holidays to pass was actually just the calm before the storm. Today, the news reports serious political upheaval in Nepal which will bring the government to a halt. Clearly...this means that we can expect the adoption process to be halted as well. The entry below sums up what is occurring in Nepal.

News from "Telegraphnepal.com"

"Nepal Maoist Not Settling for Less, Declare Program of Fresh Action


Come November 12, 2009, the Nepal Maoists are to jolt the nation through their
programmes of action that they have already declared, if by then, or prior to
that fateful date, their demands are not addressed by the incumbent government.

The primary demands of the Maoists are the prevalence of People's Supremacy
which basically is to force the Nepal President to correct his May 3, 2009,
steps wherein the President had reinstated the Maoist's government sacked then
Nepal Army Chief Mr. Katwal.

The Maoists programs of actions are not only hilarious but spine chilling as
well.

Look what they have decided to act if the government failed to address their
demands prior to November 1, 2009.

November 1, 2009 evening: Official declaration of the fresh movement and
countrywide torch demonstration.

November 2, 2009: Gherao (A protest in which a building or person is surrounded by people until demands are met.) of the entire VDCs (Village Development Committee) and Municipalities of the country for the whole day.

November 3, 2009: Mercifully they have no programs on this day.

November 4-5, 2009: Gherao (A protest in which a building or person is surrounded by people until demands are met.) of the entire District Administration Office for the whole
day.

The population has been given three days gap.

November 9, 2009: Declaration of Autonomous Republic(s).

November 10, 2009: Blockade of the Kathmandu valley including the Airport.
(Neither take off nor landing will be allowed).

November 11, has been left out.

November 12-13, 2009: Gherao (A protest in which a building or person is surrounded by people until demands are met.) of Government secretariat with millions of people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what does this mean?

The Maoists want control of the government and have made a group of demands. The United States has become involved and is urging both sides to negotiate a compromise. It is expected that the current government will succumb to these demands and then time will need to be spent reorganizing the government again, just like last spring. This could take upwards of one year. I certainly hope not, but it could!!!

I hope that between now and November 2nd, the Nepal Ministry sends out numerous referrals in anticipation that there will be a few months lag before they can be acted upon. At least it will give people something to hope for during the political turnover.

No news to report

Well....I have absolutely no news to report at this time. I wish I did, but I don't. Nothing will move forward with adoption in Nepal until after the holidays. It seems as if the offices will re-open again on October 21st. That is just around the corner, so we shall wait and see.

I have been following the blog of a woman who lives in Alaska who has returned with her daughter. She shared on her blog the two factors that go into determining how long you stay in country. They are:

1. Nepal government process – about 7 - 9 days (assuming no Nepali holidays) My agency’s rep should get permission to visit the child in the orphanage for me, and then allow me to visit my child in the orphanage for about 7 days. The last day should be my day to meet with the Ministry of Women Children and Social welfare to finalize my adoption (under Nepali law).

2. US process – The US has a set of criteria the child must meet to be able to immigrate. The US requires that the child meets the requirements of being an orphan as defined by US immigration rules. The US embassy will evaluate the information they are given, and may further investigate any issues that they think are questionable (RFE – Request for Evidence – up to 12 weeks). If the US embassy thinks my child is not an orphan by US standards, it will issue a NOID (Notice of Intent to Deny), and they will not allow the child to enter the US unless it is appealed and further investigation shows the child does meet US criteria of being an orphan.

It appears that the US is instituting a pre-approval process . The US embassy would review the adoption paperwork prior to the adoption being finalized – so referral first, then pre-approval by the US embassy, then adoption finalized by Nepal, then final approval by the US embassy (usually 2 -3 working days after the embassy interview) That would keep the in country time to about 2 weeks total. (7-9 days Nepal government process plus 3-4 working days US embassy process).

I sure hope this is how it goes so that I can spend more time with my daughter at home before needing to return to work.

A Great Article: French Love for Nepali Children...

French love for Nepali children
KANTIPUR REPORT

KATHMANDU, Sep 20 - They say no happiness compares to the woman's who has just given birth. The mother, it is said, even forgets the severe labour pain at the first sound of her baby.
The three sets of adoptive parents from France must have experienced something similar when their adoption requests were finally granted after a long and arduous process.
It was not only the adoptive parents who were in a mood to celebrate. Even the French Ambassador to Nepal was caught up in the moment.

"No words can express my happiness at being able to adopt a Nepali child," said the adoptive couple of Beatrice and Adrien Piriou cuddling their new child. The couple had to wait for almost seven years to complete the adoption process, which was recently completed.
The couple were desperate to bring the girl home after they were shown their prospective daughter's photo. "We thought about her all the time. But we could only wait," said Piriou, who has no biological child.

The adoptive parents await final approval from the recommendation committee under the Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare (MWCSW) to take their daughter home.
Similarly, for the couple of Gaimard Celine and Jean Pierre, who already have an adopted son, the long wait for a daughter was painful. Thankfully, the long days will soon be a thing of the past.

The adoptive parents are desperate to take their daughters back to their home country.
The two couple said their fondness for Nepal's unique culture and tradition made them apply for Nepali children. Jean Pierre said the couple would love to visit Nepal with their daughter some day.

All adoptive French parents expressed their commitment to providing good education, love and care to Nepali children. Do they have any preference about how their children should grow up?
"No. It is crucial that children be given complete freedom to choose their own field," said Pierre.
In a recent gathering of adoptive parents and other French dignitaries, French Ambassador to Nepal thanked all the concerned authorities who played their parts in making the adoption process successful.

"It is a great moment for us," shared French ambassador Gilles Henry Garrault. He hoped that concerned departments would decide on other dossiers of French nationals regarding inter-country adoption.

In recent days, MWCSW had handed over seven children to foreign parents, including three to French parents, after seven months of adoption process.

The adoption process was halted for over a year and a half owing to loopholes in the process. The government resumed inter-country adoption with new terms and condition in January. Over 350 foreign parents have applied for adoption of Nepali children.

Live for the Moment

Live for the Moment." My sister told me that this weekend. I have always thought that I was living for the moment. In fact, I think that is what has gotten me into trouble so many times. But when she said that to me, I paused because I think for several years I have been living to get to the next thing. This weekend as I looked out across a beautiful landscape and smelled the crisp air surrounding me, I was reminded of how beautiful life is RIGHT NOW. I realized the simple things from my weekend are actually great moments:

• the gasp of friends as a star shoots across the moonlit sky
• the innocent look of my niece as she looks up at me and says, "Hold me!"
• the cute little voice from Sarah saying "ISA" instead of "LISA"
• walking side by side with my sister down a path
• having a friend offer you a hot cup of coffee as soon as you get up
• scoping out animals at night with a spotlight
• waking up in the morning surrounded by people you love and than giggling for an hour before getting out of the tent

Am I the only one who gets caught up in life that I keep looking towards the future and allowing some moments to escape me? I don't think so.

Through this entire adoption process, I have been living for the moment that I get my daughter. I have never wanted anything more.... However, three years have passed since I have started collecting my adoption paperwork and I have purposefully put off some things thinking, "I'll do it after I get my daughter" or "I'll wait to do that with Mikayla!" Since I do not know when that will be, perhaps I should stop making excuses and just do some things I want to do now. Easier said then done!

Naples Grape Festival

Today I went to the annual Naples Grape Festival with a wonderful friend, names Lesli. It is difficult for the two of us to get together because we both lead busy lives and live in different cities..me in Rochester and her in Ithaca. We planned this outing thinking it would be a beautiful day...needless to say....it POURED!!!! I brought umbrellas for us, but one broke and I gave mine up for a free poncho distributed by a local vendor. It didn't really help, but it made me feel better.

At one booth, I purchased a silk screened old stone house on a piece of slate and as I was leaving the nice dry booth with the very heavy slate under one arm and several packages under another, I quickly stopped and turned around and asked the merchant if he could please put my poncho hood up. :-) He laughed, put it up, patted my head and and then I walked out into the pouring rain!!!

Aside from the rain, we had a blast and had a great time catching up. My wish is that my daughter have special friends that she has many good times with throughout her life.

Plug Adapters Arrived in the Mail

In my preparation for travel to Nepal, I ordered several plug adapters for use in Nepal. They arrived today in the mail. I ran my hands over them because it brought a smile to my face thinking that I should be putting them to good use soon, if I end up getting a referral for a child.

Such excitement!!!!!

Congratulations to the Families in Denmark and Italy!

Yeah!!! I sincerely congratulate those families in Denmark and Italy who received referrals today for their children in Nepal. What wonderful news! You are all probably still in incredible shock. Your dreams are becoming more of a reality now.

My wish for you is that you have a short time between referral, final approval, and travel.

Festival Time!- Dashain :-)

An explanation of the Dashain festival http://www.nepalholiday.com/nepal/nepal_trekking/ganesh_himal_trekking_nepal/dashain-festival-trekking-nepal.html:

Every year during late September to early October, the people of Nepal get ready to enjoy Dashain, the greatest festival of the year. This is the biggest and longest festival on the Nepali calendar and it is celebrated by virtually every person in Nepal, regardless of their social caste. The entire festival lasts approximately fifteen days and is a riot of color, festivity and religious rites.

The festival is said to be held in honor of the gods’ victory over wicked demons. Legend has it that the god Ramayan was only able to kill Ravana, the king of the demons, when the goddess Durga was evoked. Thus the goddess Durga plays a pivotal role in the celebrations and the entire event is seen as a celebration of good over evil.

The festival starts on a lunar fortnight which ends on the day of the full moon. All homes in Nepal are cleaned, painted and decorated to encourage the mother goddess to visit and bless the household. Relatives from distant towns are reunited and the markets come alive with those looking for items they may use during the festival, such as clothes, food, gifts and animals for sacrifice. Thousands of animals such as goats, chickens, ducks, sheep and water buffalo are prepared for the sacrificial slaughter. During the course of the festival the blood of all these animals will be poured out for a ritual holy bathing that glorifies the goddess Durga. During the first nine days of the festival – the period during which Durga supposedly fought the demon Mahisasur – are a period of worship. On the ninth day, the Taleju temple at Hanuman Dhoka is opened to the public – the only time during the year that this occurs. Thousands of people visit the temple on this day and thousands of animals are sacrificed to honor Durga and seek her blessing.

On the tenth day the festivities settle a bit and the focus turns towards family.

On the fifteenth day, the last day – the people of Nepal settle down to rest. The very next day the shops are open once again and life in Nepal returns to normal.

A Beautiful Weekend

This weekend was so beautiful! It was one of those typical fall days. I found myself imagining what life would be like with my daughter. Perhaps we would have gone for a walk in the neighborhood or played on the swings in the park. Or maybe she would have run around the yard as I tried to pull the final weeds from my flower gardens.

Perhaps she would have fallen asleep on my chest as we lay in the afternoon sun on a blanket reading books or staring at the clouds in the sky.

I do not know what we would have done, but I know that she would have been with me. For now, she is deep in my heart and I am anxiously waiting to meet her.

Book on Nepal Came Today

In June, I pre-ordered the 2009 edition of the book titled, Lonely Planet: Nepal. I was happy to see that it arrived today! How exciting!!! It looks like a great book to help me learn more about the history, culture, and religion of Nepal and I look forward to reading it this weekend. The book highlights: events and festivals, Nepal history, architecture, environment, tourism, parks, transport, highlights in each city, and animals. I am sure it will be helpful to me for many years to come.

On the Lonely Planet website, it describes a bit of Nepal history. It states:

The history of Nepal began in, and centers on, the Kathmandu Valley. Over the centuries Nepal's boundaries have extended to include huge tracts of neighbouring India, and contracted to little more than the Kathmandu Valley and a handful of nearby city-states. Though it has ancient roots, the modern state of Nepal emerged only in the 18th century.

Squeezed between the Tibetan plateau and the plains of the subcontinent - the modern-day giants of China and India - Nepal has long prospered from its location as a resting place for traders, travellers and pilgrims. A cultural mixing pot, it has bridged cultures and absorbed elements of its neighbours, yet retained a unique character. After travelling through India for a while, many travellers notice both the similarities and differences. 'Same, same', they say, '…but different' (Lonely Planet- Nepal).

I just can't stop sharing the good news!!!!

Well....as far as I can tell at the moment, more referrals came out today and they reached through registration #75. That means that many, but not all of the families below that number have or are in the process of receiving referrals. Those that did not receive a referral could be due to expired paperwork, incomplete files, or not having a child to match to the family (due to desired age and gender).

As many of you are aware, I do not know my registration number because my agency WILL NOT share it with their clients. I think that is ridiculous, and I personally believe it is to cover up a delay in the process on their part. I hope to be proved wrong. According to the date my Guarantee Letter was picked up (assuming my dossier was submitted the same day), my registration number is probably around 200 or so. It should have been much lower than that, but the agency rep did not pick up the Guarantee Letter when it was ready. As soon as I start to see families getting referrals who had registration numbers in the 100s, I will be thrilled.

I am already starting to create a list of things I need to pack for travel. Feel free to send me your suggestions. I will need lots of help!!!!

Nepal Adoptions Written in Kathmandu Newspapers

Seven Nepali kids handed over to adoptive parents
Posted by: "protothefirst" r.proto@gmail.com protothefirst
Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:56 am (PDT)
From ekantipur: http://www.kantipuronline.com/news/news-detail.php?news_id=300299

Kathmandu, September 15 -

The Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare (MWCSW) has handed over seven children to their foreign adoptive parents, after a gap of one and half years. Three Nepali orphans were handed over to American adoptive parents, another three children to French parents and one to British parents, all of whom have been residing in the country. The seven Nepali children were officially adopted after the government approved their documents regarding inter-country adoption. Officials at MWCSW stated on Monday that the six adoptive parents are planning to take their new children to their new homes at the earliest date possible. Only one child will remain in Nepal with her British parents, who are currently residing in the country. This is good news for both the parents and the children, who have been involved in the adoption process for the past seven months. The concerned authorities, including MWCSW, have also recently given the go ahead to the adoption documents belonging to another 14 children and the adopting parents. Officials stated that they have already informed Nepali representatives of the Nepal-based international adoption agencies about the approval. This means that other prospective parents can begin plans to return home, with their adopted children. Over 80 children, who have already gone through matching process, (in which prospective parents are paired with orphans) are awaiting the decision of the recommendation committee. The recommendation committee, comprises representatives from the ministries of home and law, as well as MWCSW, who will collectively make the final decision. The committee selects children in accordance with the adopting parents' preferences. The applications of over 300 prospective foreign parents for adoption are also simultaneously being examined MWCSW.The new adoption process was started in January after a gap of one-and-half-years. The ministry had put the process on hold owing to loopholes existing in the previous system. Earlier, prospective parents dealt directly with orphanages. As there was no fixed adoption fee, parents often ended up paying huge amounts of money for the adoption. Now, with the improved system, they deal with registered adoption agencies from their home country or Nepal-based embassies.

New referrals received today!!!!

I am beginning to look forward to my nightly check of the Nepal Adopt Blog. This evening I got comfy on the couch after a long day of trying to disguise the pain I have in my side where my gall bladder was removed two weeks ago. As I turned on my computer and logged in to my e-mail, I wondered what I would find out today in the adoption world. Well...more new referrals were received today. I am sure they will continue to trickle in throughout the week. My hope is that by the end of the week, there are almost 125 new referrals. That would be terrific. For now, I know they are at least up to referral number 42.

Congratulations to everyone who received good news today! My wish for you is that you get final approval soon and travel after the Nepal festivals, by the end of October or beginning of November.

That would be just in time for the holidays!!!

Namaste

Ok...call me crazy, because I am sure all of the families adopting from Nepal already were familiar with this word, but I was not! I have been seeing the word, "Namaste" all over Nepal Adoption Blogs and honestly did not know what it meant. Friday night, I was driving home from teaching a graduate class and saw a restaurant six miles from my house that I had NEVER noticed before. It was called, Namaste!!!!

I just googled it and love the meaning of this word. It is a greeting used in India and has several different meanings, but the one I like is, "The light within me, honors the light within you."

I am so antsy!!

This has been a busy weekend for me, especially with the start of school underway as well as the first weekend class of the graduate course I am teaching. Today was the first chance I had to think of something other than work. I wandered the Clothesline Festival with my friend, Marianne, and every time I saw a ladybug, I thought of Mikayla.

It was one of those beautiful, early fall days when the air is crisp and the temperature is cool, but the sun was shining bright. I watched mothers pushing their children in strollers and dreamed of what my life would be like with Mikayla. I know it will be different and I just can't wait!!! There are three families over in Nepal right now with more families having received travel approval this past week. Since Nepal is entering festival time, it might not be until October that they travel.

The Nepal adopt blog has posted of more referrals for the 125 additional files coming out soon....we are not sure what soon means, but soon is good! My agency shared that they expect some people in our agency to receive referrals in October. I sure hope I am in the group, but I will try not to get my hopes up too high!

For now, all I can do is dream!!!

Mikayla, I long to hold you in my arms. I know the transition will not be easy for you, but I promise to love you and care for you for the rest of my life!!!!

Blogs Closed-per Nepali Ministry

The Nepali Ministry has told adoptive families that they should not post pictures of their newly adopted children on their blogs. A a result, the blogs I posted in my last blog posting are now unavailable. However, one family is maintaining a separate blog just for those people waiting to adopt from Nepal. You can follow it at:
http://nepaladoptionrumors.blogspot.com/

More final approvals received today!!!

Progress is being made. It appears as if the next 23 families are beginning to receive their final approvals. One family received hers today and are planning to travel tomorrow night!!!! Wow!!! What a fast turn-around.

We are fully expecting the next 100- 150 matches to be sent out within the next month. I look forward to seeing this progress. The first three families (All of whom are American) are in Nepal and two of the families have been blogging about their experiences. If you have time, consider visiting their blogs. I find it very helpful in terms of my preparation for travel. You can follow their experiences at:


http://bugbeanandreed.blogspot.com/
http://www.donohueadopt.blogspot.com/


There was also a news article about these three families in Kathmandu. See below.
Kantipur article on first three families
3 Nepali kids set to land in US


Kantipur Report KATHMANDU, Sept 9 -
After a gap of one and half years three Nepali children are all set to land in the U.S with their new adoptive parents. This was made possible for three orphaned girls -Anita Himali, Anisha Sai and Santi Sai - after the government approved their documents related to inter-country adoption. The adoptive mothers are Bonnie Lee Donohue of Wisconsin, Michelle Kyla Blanchard-Roma of Louisiana and Dr. Teryl Rae Elam of Alaska. Donohue, who is a general manager in the food service sector, has been matched with three-year-old Himali, Blanchard-Roma, who is a reputed Louisiana-based attorney, has been matched with two-year-old Anisha, and reputed Alaska-based physician, Elam has been matched with nearly one-year-old Santi. The Ministry of Women, Children and Social Welfare (MWCSW) has informed the Nepali representatives of the US adoption agency about the decision, calling the adopting mothers to take their daughters as per their convenience, according to officials at MWCSW. This will be the first batch of Nepali children to go abroad with their new parents after seven months of adoption process. At least 18 dossiers, on which almost all the necessary paperwork for the adoption is complete, are also awaiting final approval from the MWCSW. Over 100 dossiers of children, who are already gone through matching process (in which adoptive parents are paired with orphans), are also pending due to a delay in arranging a meeting of the recommendation committee. The recommendation committee, comprising representatives from ministries of home, law and MWCSW, will make the final decision. The committee selects children in accordance with the adoptive parents´ preferences. Likewise, applications of over 300 prospective foreign parents are under the scrutiny of MWCSW. Earlier, the ministry had put the process on hold for one-and-a-half-years and started the process with new rules for adoption in January.

On a different note, there is rumor that China has halted special needs adoptions for single women...not allowing us to adopt these children. My agency is checking on this info and in the meantime has not sent me any new referrals for special needs children. Let me tell you.....if it is not one thing, it is another!!!

My wish is not that this journey is free of obstacles, but that I have the strength to travel this journey and that I am rounding the corner towards the finish line.

Never Say Never!

Well....the adoption world is very unpredictable! Yesterday there was wonderful news blasted across the international blogging sites about Nepal. The Prime Minister decided that since there is no minister in place for the Ministry of Woman and Social Welfare (where the adoptions occur), the Deputy Prime Minister would do the work. Therefore, three American families that received referrals in May received their approval letters for travel. They need to leave on Thursday!!!! This Thursday!!!! So much for notice!!! It is anticipated that these three American families, who are all from the same agency will be there three weeks. The Deputy Prime Minister stated that the remaining 23 families will receive travel approval soon after. The PM also confirmed that 180 additional files have been matched and they will be sent out within the next one to two months. This is wonderful news!!!

Unfortunately, I truly believe that my agency did not submit my dossier when it was supposed to and therefore am not in that pile of 180 matches like I should have been. In fact, my agency cannot provide me any type of guarantee that my dossier was ever submitted and therefore, they cannot prove that they have a viable program.

For now....hats off to the three families that will be united this week. This is wonderful news!!!! I wish for safe travel for all of them and that they do not get involved in the political turmoil.

I have been viewing children from the special needs list that my Chinese agency sends me every week. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done because I do not feel as if I should be picking my child. I have had my hopes let down several times as the children I thought would be mine were placed with other families. I am happy that the children have found good homes. I just wish it was with me.

On a personal side, I just had my second surgery this month!!!! The first one was planned and was elective and the second one was an emergency gall bladder removal!!! It was removed this weekend and I am spending the week at home recovering. I will be ready for my child when she arrives.

Ordinary Miracles...

Many of you may be familiar with Sarah McLachlan's song titled, Ordinary Miracles. (Click on the title to go to the video of the song.) The words are very inspiring and powerful.

I thought of the song as I read "blog post after blog post" about Harper Scruggs, a four year old newly adopted Chinese girl who had to be left behind in China by the American family that just adopted her because of bureaucratic red tape. The parents traveled to China at the end of July and met their soon to be adopted daughter, Harper. The family was aware of the new CDC regulations regarding TB. They were told Harper tested negative for TB, so they went ahead with their trip, hoping to bring her home. After arriving in China, and signing all of the adoption paperwork, Harper finally became part of their "Forever Family!" Soon after, they were told that Harper actually had tested positive for TB and that, under the new CDC regulations, she would have to undergo a series of tests to ensure she was TB-free, with results not expected for at least 40+ days.

They traveled to China ,met their daughter, bonded with their daughter, and then had to return home without her last week after a wrenching farewell that they captured on a video posted on their blog. Trust me.....Part 2 of the video is not for the faint of heart!!!


The couple sought a waiver so they could leave with Harper in tow, but were unsuccessful and returned to the U.S. without her, in part for financial reasons and also because they had left their 6-year-old adopted son, Ivan, back in the U.S.

Harper has been in an orphanage, foster care, and then back to the orphanage. Now the child is no longer the responsibility of China. The family now has to incur the expenses to medicate her and house and care for her while they return to the US. They have already had the phone company shut off their phones due to an incurred $2,000 bill trying to find a way to bring home their daughter. In the video, the father tries to assure Harper that he and her mommy will return to take her home. But the girl nonetheless bursts into sobs and clings to her father as he tries to leave.

The family reached out to the cyber world to find people who could help. Funds were set up to help pay for their return airfare and current medical expenses, as well as their phone bill. Someone donated his/her United frequent flyer miles to help them get a free round trip ticket. Via Skype, the family will video conference with Harper every day so she will understand that they did not abandon her. An unknown American foster family, living in China, reached out to the family and offered to care for Harper while they wait to bring her home. Wow!!!! What a wonderful world we live in...Ordinary Miracles!!!!!

The family is keeping a blog of the ordeal at: http://jayscruggs.livejournal.com.


This is not right!!!! Harper is not an immigrant — she is not someone who has no address in the U.S. and no support network. She is a child with a family who’s going to care for her. The family continues to fight for their daughter, because the wait could end up being longer than they think. This could have a devastating impact on international adoption in Ethiopia and China. However, this family has heightened the publicity around this issue. There will be an article in the Washington Post tomorrow about this family and they are already being featured on many major networks. Just google the name: Harper Scruggs.

Although Harper did not come home with them, the cyber world reached out to this family in incredible ways. "It seems so exceptional that things work out after all. It's just another ordinary miracle after all!"

I made a move!

For months now I have been trying to decide if I should pursue the adoption of a Special Needs child in China. Today, I decided that all the signs were pointing me in that direction. After sending off the paperwork, I spent the day working in my garden and tearing out some bushes that I had wanted gone for a while. It started to rain and I just kept going. To be honest, the rain felt great and so did tearing out some of these shrubs.

For some reason, I was emotional all day long. I had stopped at McDonalds to get a pop and stood in line behind a 6-7 year old girl who was proudly holding ten dollars. She placed an order in a very soft, but polite voice. I was so impressed by the way in which she placed her order, gave the merchant her money, and waited for her change. As I walked out to my car, I saw her hop in the car with an older man, perhaps her father or grandfather. I drove my car over, got out and told him what a confident young lady he had sitting next to him in the front seat. I went on to explain the excellent job she did at placing the order and that there are many children her age who could not do what she did. I think I made his day. He kept thanking me for taking the time to tell him. I turned around, got in my car, and as I drive away tears welled up in my eyes. I don't even know why!!!

Once my China adoption agency receives my paperwork, they will e-mail me regular updates of online files of children in China on the Waiting Children list that match the needs I specified. When I see a file that I want to look at in more detail, I need to notify them and they will access it for me. I will have 48 hours to review it and accept it. If I do not accept the file, I cannot access it again and neither can anyone affiliated with my agency. The online file system is worldwide. People from all over the world are looking at the same files I am and they can be there one moment and adopted the next. Because of this, I need to go with my instinct. My wish is that Mikayla pops out at me, so that I know it is her. I know she is out there.

During this journey, I still keep my place in the Non-Special Needs line for a child in China, but if I find Mikayla on the SN list, I forfeit my place in line. Likewise, I still have an active file in Nepal, although the adoption process has halted.

I will find my daughter!!!

Could the news get any worse?

I am really trying to be optimistic, but I have reached my carrying capacity. Unfortunately, I got news from another person going through an adoption through Adoptions Forever, that my Guarantee Letter from Nepal was not picked up until April 14th, 2009, even though it was ready on March 23, 2009. And....the pick-up place is in the same city as where the adoption agency's country representative lives!!!!!!

I am trying to find out if the agency submitted my dossier to the Ministry on the same day or if there was a delay in that process as well. I was assuming my wait in line was anywhere between 121 - 158, now it is upwards of 184 IF the dossier was submitted on the day the Guarantee Letter was picked up. If not, I am in the 200s and my file is NOT in the matching committee as originally thought.

I am just frustrated because I am realizing that the urgency only exists with me and no one that I am paying to help me bring home my child. It is just a job to them. This is so hurtful because to me....it is my life's dream!!!!!

Perhaps this is a sign.....maybe I was not meant to be a mom.

Nepal's matching has shut down and will not continue until a new Ministry of Women is appointed. We were told it was days...and now told that it will be weeks. No one really knows!!

Some Beautiful Children....

Take a look at these beautiful pictures of Nepalese children

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS5IjsqWuCo&NR=1

No real news...just lots of rumors....

I am not really sure what is happening right now in Nepal. The government is in an upheaval which has been causing riots and demonstrations in the streets of Kathmandu. New ministers of each of the branches of government have not been appointed and some rumors are that all matching has stopped. The referrals that were sent to families and accepted, have not been accepted by the new government. Nothing moves forward until the new government is in place, which means that the referrals just sit on a desk and wait.

In addition, one rumor is that the matching process is being revisited again and may be diverted back to the individual orphanages instead of the Ministry of Woman. I don't believe that rumor, because the whole point of having the matching occur by the Ministry was to avoid underhanded deals and the black market. Either way, they are saying that there will be a month hold on the matching.....which can actually mean a lot longer than that.

Many of us waiting families are wondering what happened to the 90 files that we heard were matched and in the mail.......That was stated before the latest upheaval. I just don't know what to believe. When you have been waiting as long as I have, you latch on to any word you hear about the process.

I guess my biggest dilemma is whether I hold out for Nepal or opt for a special needs child from China. If I go for the child from China first, and keep my place in line for Nepal, I will have to get a child of the opposite sex from Nepal because they do not permit you to adopt a child of the same sex as the child you already have in the home.

How do you ever know if you are making the right decision???? Where are you Mikayla? You need to speak louder so I can hear you???? I don't know where to look????

Relatively Quiet Lately...

The last few weeks have been relatively quiet on the adoption front. There continue to be rumors about all sorts of things, but it is difficult to decipher what is the reality....although perception is reality. What I know is that the wait has been getting to me. I know I will withstand it. And I know that I will wait endlessly in the hopes that I do get to bring home my baby girl, but it is still a depressingly long journey...one that I am finding it increasingly more challenging to travel.

There is a rumor that 90 more files may have been matched and will be or are on their way to families as I write this. I will not be in that 90, but it is 90 closer to my number. The ministry is NOT signing off on any of the matches that families approve until a new prime minister is in the government. This has happened in the past. In fact, in 2006, people got their referrals, traveled to Kathmandu to see their children and then had to leave and did not take home their children with them. To this day, they have not received their children. Although a referral is the next positive step in this process, nothing is sealed until your child is home with you. It is a very turbulent process.

Perhaps I will be able to write later with some more upbeat news. I wasn't feeling upbeat about the process when I wrote this today because I continue to get saddened by the stories I am reading on adoption blogs about the incredible ordeals people have had to endure to adopt. Some people have been at this since 2005, with no end in sight. Each time they get closed out of another country, after they started the process.

Mikayla's Quilt

Isn't it beautiful???!!! This is the 100 Good Wishes Quilt that my mom has been piecing together. Actually, it is more like 140 Good Wishes Quilt. My mom has taken all of the pieces of fabric that friends and family have sent and assembled them into a pattern. I saw it for the first time at the end of April and was in awe. My mom is incredible!!! This is such an amazing gift to Mikayla. I ran my hands over each piece and reminisced about who sent it and what it meant to that person. I can't wait to see Mikayla doing the same thing someday.

When we were little, my mother worked on a bicentennial quilt and had a large quilting table set up for a period of time so she could easily stitch the squares. During that time, she said that someday she imagined that all of us (her and my sisters) would be seated around the quilting table stitching a quilt together. I think that day has come!! My mom has thought about setting up the table for this quilt and this summer my sisters and mom can stitch the quilt. "Build it and they will come!!!"

My sister Elaine offered to create a scrapbook that compiles each of the fabric samples and "wishes" that people sent. I saw it over Memorial Day Weekend and was overwhelmed by how it looks. Elaine does great work!

I can visualize Mikayla sprawled out on her bed with the scrapbook, matching the pictures of the fabric with the quilt pieces.

More News Regarding Nepal Adoptions

This past week Nepal sent out another 20 referrals, which means approximately 23 families have referrals in hand!!! This is great news. The first three were test referrals and all three of the families have accepted their referrals. Their agency said they can expect to travel to Nepal at the end of July or beginning of August (approximately 2 1/2 to 3 months from referral to travel time) to bring home their children. Once in Nepal, they have been told to plan on spending no less than 15 business days in the city to complete the paperwork.

The Nepal Adopt Yahoo Group that I belong to has been posting places to stay and visit while in Kathmandu. I am beginning to feel that it is safer than is advertised here in the US.

In addition to the additional referrals, a US adoption agency has shared that the Ministry has forwarded approximately 150 dossiers for matching. We are all assuming that of those 150, 23 - 25 are the ones that have already been matched. Since I do not have a registration number, my best guess is that I am between 121 and 153. Based on this information, my dossier should be in the matching committee!!! It will still be a while, but I think Nepal is making progress and I am thrilled. I sure hope the referrals keep coming and that travel begins for those who have referrals.

Once a person travels to pick up their child the following must be accomplished in country:
Collect adoption decree
Visit child's orphanage
Apply for travel documents
Visit embassy to make an appointment for the exit interview
Final medical check-up
Collect necessary documents (referral info) to translate for the embassy
Submit documents to the embassy
Exit interview with the embassy
Pick up child's visa
Travel home!!!

I can't wait to be joined with my daughter!

NEPAL SENT THEIR FIRST REFERRALS!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe it, but today when I came home from work and checked my e-mail, one of the members of the Nepal Adoption Blog that I belong to, got a referral today. It was not expected and was a surprise. She knew her file was in the matching committee and had heard that a referral was sent from Nepal on April 27th via snail mail to her adoption agency, but since her "Number" was higher than others in her agency, she figured it couldn't be hers. Also, she requested a 0 - 12 month old so she definitely thought she would be waiting a bit longer. NOPE!!! YAHOO!!!

I am so happy for Teryl! With the upheaval in the government, all we can hope is that Nepal matches and gets a number of referrals out before the government changes in two weeks, at which time they anticipate a slow down or shutdown in government. It is great to know someone via the cyberspace world who has a referral because now we can follow her path.

Selfishly, I keep thinking of how my dossier was sent on January 12th and how easily I could have been at the front of all of these lists if only there wasn't a screw up with the orphan petition. Teryl had her dossier submitted at the beginning of February.

With all of the bad news at the beginning of this week, this is such a happy ending!!!

Update on Nepal and China

I received a list from my Chinese adoption agency that allows me to review a list of disabilities of waiting children and check off the ones that I believe I am equipped to handle. As soon as I return it, they will forward me three children from the International Waiting Children Online System who match the needs I checked. I will have 48 hours to review the file, see a physician, and accept. This makes me incredibly nervous and anxious. How do you know what you are equipped to handle? I have always handled whatever was given to me.

Regarding the upheaval of the government in Nepal, the following was in the Nepali news today:

KATHMANDU, May 5 - In the wake of a new political standstill triggered by Prime Minister Pushpa Kamal Dahal's resignation, 21 political parties represented in the Constituent Assembly (CA) have decided to form a new national government based on consensus.An all-party meeting called by the CPN-UML — skipped by Unified CPN (Maoist) and Madheshi Janadhikar Forum (MJF) — on Tuesday took such decision.Nepali Congress Vice President Ram Chandra Poudel informed, "The meeting concluded that all the parties will try to form consensual government within the time as asked by the President."The NC is ready to support other parties' government whether that is UML's leadership, he said. UML Chairman Jhalanath Khanal said, "The Maoist party in its capacity as the largest party in the CA has already led the government. Now a path has been paved for a chance for another party to do so. But this does not mean that the Maoists will not be allowed to lead from now.""We will try to persuade all the parties to participate in this process till the end," he added.Today itself, President Dr Ram Baran Yadav requested all the political parties represented in the CA to form a new government by Saturday.

Posted on: 2009-05-05 05:05:00 (Server Time)

Is there ever good news in the adoption world? Why is this so hard????

I never imagined that my adoption journey would be as complicated and bumpy a road as it has been. I received some very discouraging news today from the online blog I subscribe to for Nepal adoptions as well as from my adoption agency for Nepal. The Prime Minister in Nepal resigned today due to political upheaval. My agency said this will directly impact all levels of government in Nepal and will stall the international adoption process just when they were about to make their first referrals. My agency will notify me when the adoption process can get started again. AAAHHHH!!!!! Can anything go smoothly???

Those people who have experience with Nepal shutting down once before were posting all over the blogs today. One blogger posted the following:

I'm afraid this is really bad news. For people like me who have been waiting to adopt in Nepal since 2007 and have witnessed the shutdown, the collapse of the previous government, the endless delayed elections, the formation of the new government, the new terms and conditions, the reopening and so on, this piece of news feels like going back to two years ago. I hope my view is too pessimistic, but I'm prepared for the worst. This is too much to bear, I'm not sure I can take this.

From AdoptionNepal.com
Kathmandu Prime Minister Pushpa Kamal Dahal submitted his resignation to President Tam Baran Yadav today. The resignation came after President Yadav asked Chief Army Officer Mr. Rookmund Katawal to stay in position thought the Prime Minister had dismissed him. Prime Minister's resignation means paving way for a new coalition government. These political changes are bound to affect work at all government levels including international adoption where matching had just started.

Mikayla....where are you??? My wish for you is that you are safe and being well taken care of by people who love you and care for you the best that they can. I will find you and honor the love your biological family has for you and shower you with an extended family that will only add to that sense of love. They all can't wait to meet you. All of my nieces and nephews ask about you all of the time. One of your cousins, Madison, recently asked, "When are you bringing Mikayla home?" I told her I didn't know but that you were already in my heart. Wherever you are, please know I love you!

Update on China and Nepal

Today I heard from my adoption agency for my China adoption. They shared that the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) has finished reviewing the dossiers of families logged-in on, or before, April 30, 2007 and have sent referrals for all families whose dossiers were logged in on, or before, March 8, 2006. For me, this means that China had no questions regarding my dossier that I sent two years ago. I can't believe that it took them two years to review my dossier. Regardless, it has passed the review room and is now officially in line for matching.

It has been taking 36 months from the time dossiers are logged in until families receive their referrals.

In other news, my adoption agency for the China adoption was recently invited by the China Center of Adoption Affairs to renew its commitment to placing waiting children with special needs, by applying to CCAA online special needs referral program. New Life submitted its application at the end of March 2009 and has announced that as of yesterday, April 27, 2009, their application has been approved! Effective Monday, May 4, 2009, New Life Adoption Agency, Inc will again be accepting applications for its Waiting Children with Special Needs Program. I am going to explore this as a second option. I have contacted my agency and will be completing some paperwork stating the types of special needs I am willing to accept. They will be linked to an online database that will permit me to be matched with children that exhibit the special needs I indicate.

From the Nepal end of things, there seems to be a reliable rumor that 20 families have now been matched. There is some confusion as to whether Nepal does blind matching or open matching where they try to carefully match up families and children based on personalities, interests, etc. No one knows how this is being done. Additionally, there is a rumor that Nepal will create as a stipulation in the adoption that we will not be able to change the name of the child, will not change his/her religion, and that we will allow the child to return to Nepal when he/she is 18. No one on the blog was aware of these stipulations. It has been confirmed that they were in place in 2005, but we do not know if they will remain in place through this new process.

Some Good News!!!

Well, I have been on vacation this past week on a cruise. It was absolutely relaxing. I met great people. While on vacation it feels like time stops, but it clearly has not. While away, I returned to news that Nepal has matched three children!!! Yahoo!!!! At least it is progressing, unlike China!

The following are some highlights I pulled off another blog:

"Ministry has almost 200 children registered!!! Majority of the children registered are between 18 to 24 months. There are few 0-12 months and older children. The matching process has started. They have matched 3 families already!! These cases have been forwarded to the Ministry for the official match and the families should be called soon by their agency with the child's information. We're still waiting on the details of the matching process."

How exciting!!!! I was also trying to figure out my log in number based on what others have posted. It seems I should be somewhere between 121 and 153. Since the ministry has almost 200 children registered, I am in good shape. I requested a 2-3 year old or as young as possible.

I also saw a posting regarding some medical information. It is also listed below.

www.chinaview. cn 2009-04-19 20:04:21

KATHMANDU, April 19 (Xinhua) -- Nearly half of children below five in Nepal have been victims of dwarf, said Nepal Demographic and Health Survey. According to Sunday's the National News Agency RSS, doctors said lack of breast feeding during the birth period of babies, lack of nutritious food and balanced diet cause dwarf to the children. Dwarf problem is seen more in girls. Some 44.4 percent girls and 41.3 percent of boys have such problem, the survey reported. Along with stuntedness, Nepalis children have suffered from thinness as well. Central Bureau of Statistics said 11.5 percent of boys and 11.9 percent of girls have thinness problem in Nepal . But, the problem of dwarf has decreased comparing to the past year. In 2001, some 57 percent of Nepalis children had dwarf problem.

The Diary of a Man Visiting An Orphanage in Nepal

Here's a link to a good BBC article about a month long journey to a Nepal orphanage(taking place this month). The author has only made a few entries so far but will be reporting back all month long, so you might want to bookmark this link and check back. http://www.bbc.co.uk/somerset/content/articles/2009/03/27/nepal_orphanage_feature.shtml

As I read the beginning, what stood out was the following:

Yesterday was rather tense as here in Kathmandu the news was of a protest with warnings that any vehicles on the roads would be trashed and set alight. Private cars, apparently a rarity just 20 years ago, usually cram the streets like a hive of ants darting amongst themselves but this day was different. The result of the unrest was that the streets were unusually busy with bicycle led rickshaws (normally hard to find except in certain parts of the city centre) though taxis were still everywhere.

The last King of Nepal (whose entire family were assassinated five years ago) sold the rights to much of the electricity generated by this country to India. This arrangement remains in place. So the local Nepali population only has electricity about 5 hours or less every 24 hours, the rest being used by India's population. There is no exact timing either for when it will go on, though the locals seem to have a rough idea. This morning it was supplied for a few hours very early, yesterday it was late afternoon.

This is a culture and society that is so different from what we are all used to!!

25 Dossiers Sent to the Matching Committee in Nepal

I just read on a Yahoo Blog that an adoption agency named AGCI reported to their clients that 25 files were forwarded to the Family Matching Committee (FMC) in Nepal. EXCITING!!! I a, of course, not among those 25 files. In fact, I think I must be around the 180th or so file. I will know more soon!

All I can hope is that this process goes quickly. It is beginning to look like December of 2009 is probably the earliest I could travel, which means all of my paperwork will need to be renewed...AGAIN!!!

A Few More Details About Nepal

Now that the blogs are active with people applying to Nepal for adoption, I am starting to hear a bit more news. There has been a lot of talk about dossier numbers and whether or not that is similar to a Log in Date in China. No one really knows, but here is what I have gathered:

1. ALL dossiers are submitted to the Ministry NOT Bal Mandir.
2. There are 2 matching committees. Once is called CCWB, Central Child Welfare Board and the other is Bal Mandir.
3. CCWB receives children from 37 orphanages while Bal Mandir has their own list of children. Both committees have to send the list of their children available for adoption to the ministry.The dossier submitted can be forwarded to any of the committees, either CCWB or Bal Mandir.
4. Regarding the registration number..... When the file is submitted to the ministry, it goes to the registration desk which the registration numbers are issued. Any document that enters the Ministry will have to be registered at the front desk and receive a four digit registration number. Then the files are forwarded to the legal section and placed in it’s “queue.”
5. Someone posted on her blog that she is #24 and was told that she was the 24th out of 25 files that have been forwarded to the matching committee.

I thought that since my dossier was sent on January 12th, that I had a low "log in number," but I am beginning to figure out that may not be true. My immigration approval for my daughter was held up on the desk of a worker in Buffalo, NY (unintentionally) and therefore I did not receive my Guarantee Letter until March 23, 2009.

I am beginning to get fearful that my paperwork for Nepal will begin to expire before a referral. Nepal will not accept anything over a year old. Since I started this process in September, that date is quickly approaching.

Why have there been so many obstacles in my life to trying to be a mom?????

Another Hurdle!

This is a picture of me jumping another hurdle on the adoption journey. Today I got word from the agency working with me on my Nepal adoption that Nepal has changed their mind and that EVERY page of my homestudy must be signed and notarized!!! This is insane!

Those of you who know how long a homestudy is know how big of a deal this is. I e-mailed my social worker, who has been wonderful, and am waiting to hear back from her. I am sure she will be as puzzled as I am. This is soooooo much more involved than China was. I suppose that Nepal is really taking strides to ensure that they correct any wrongdoing that has occurred in the past relative to a Nepalese adoption.

Because I know that all of this will lead to my beautiful daughter, I can do it!!!

We are only human!!

Today, after feeling like I waited long enough for immigration approval for Mikayla, I scheduled an appointment with the immigration officers in Buffalo to review my case. However, after an hour and 15 minute drive, the immigration officer told me that she could not help me because they do not release information regarding cases.

As soon as she told me that, I got all emotional inside and just started to cry right there in front of her. She must have thought I was nuts!! I told her that when I called immigration on the phone, the person I spoke to told me that the only way I would get any information about my case would be to make an appointment online. That's what I did! However, this woman was telling me that she couldn't help me.

The tears must have helped because she told me to wait and she would see if she could contact the Adoption Office upstairs. After ten minutes she called me back to the window and told me that I my orphan petition had been approved and that I could go upstairs to collect it.

Upon arriving upstairs, I met a woman named Wendy who reads and answers all of the e-mails and who handed me an envelope with my approval. I took a moment to review it and noticed that it had been approved on 1/20/2009. I asked her about the date and she responded by saying, "Yeah..it was on my desk and it got caught up in something else and I never sent it out. I am so sorry!!" YIKES!!!

All of this agony and the whole time it was just sitting on someone's desk already approved. I realize that we are only human and we all make mistakes but I almost got passed up by my agency because I was missing this paperwork!!! She was very pleasant about it and felt terrible and luckily it really did not hold me up because my agency was kind enough to send all of my paperwork on, with the understanding that she would send this as soon as it arrived.

When will this all end???

Good wishes from a friend from high school....

Today I received a wonderful message, via Facebook, from a friend of mine from high school. It made me smile, cry, and laugh. Thank you, Mike!

"riding the train home from the city like i do everyday but today i had nothing to read. Im a voracious reader. So i went online on my phone, oh technology, and went facebookin. Well i just read you entire blog and my prayers are with u and your family. I hope u get all u want(mikayla) and we all get healthy again. 41 years old in the blink of an eye. Sure dont feel or act it. Long strands in my brush every mornin but theres some left. My 14 year over developed daughter kicks my ass mentaly and fills me with worry but Im happy for it. My 8 year olds early wisdom and hugs that make all the bad go away and everything seem right keep me going."

---Mike (via Facebook)

Innocent Play...

You may be wondering what the picture above has to do with my adoption. It is a "store apron" that my mom made for each of her younger grandchildren so they could play "store." In an age where many children are caught up in the technology of cell phones, wii, Nintendo, etc. it is amazing how many hours of fun these aprons have brought the kids.

My mom attached a name tag with interchangeable store names that she downloaded off of the Internet. She also included keys in the pockets as well as "money." My mom is so creative. After watching my nieces open them on Christmas Eve, she had Madison, hand me a small bag and inside was an apron for Mikayla.

I know she will love wearing it and playing with her cousins when they come to visit or when we visit them. It is such innocent play. I hope Mikayla never loses the innocence of childhood play.

Ladybugs everywhere!

Many of my friends and family members know how special ladybugs are to me, especially since this adoption journey began. The room that Mikayla will have once she joins my family is already decorated with ladybug "things." There is a ladybug bean chair, ladybug stuffed animals, ladybug craft (made by my niece, Lauren), a ladybug purse, ladybug books, etc. I have not decorated the room yet for Mikayla, but have showered the room with ladybugs...anxiously awaiting Mikayla's arrival.

Thinking that ladybugs were pretty and beautiful, I was surprised by my niece Madison's comment this weekend. She said to me, "Lisa, I think you need to hide that big ladybug stuffed animal because when I look at it, it is scary!" I think it is funny that she said this to me, because I just adore the large ladybug stuffed animal that I have perched on a hope chest that my parents gave me. It just goes to show that adults and kids think in very different ways! :-)

My good friends, Heather and Mark gave me children ladybug dishes a few weekends ago as a surprise gift. There was no apparent reason for the gift, just that they saw it in the store and thought it would be perfect for Mikayla to use when she arrives home. Those are the best gifts....gifts you receive for no reason, other than because someone thought of you. Mikayla and I are so lucky to have great people in our lives!

An Ounce of Good News

I have not posted since October.....mainly because I have had no news...well...no good news to report. All I could have reported on was my frustration with the process, obstacles, and paper chase. I have to continually remind myself that it will all end in something beautiful and magnificent. If you asked me in high school or college if I ever thought I would be 40 years old and childless I would have responded with a quick..."Never!"

Life is funny that way. It has been one test after another. I sometimes sit back and wonder if greater spirits are purposefully preventing me from being a mother. Well.....if so, it is time they move on to another person because I am not giving up on my dream!!!

Thursday morning I received a call from my adoption agency for Nepal stating that Nepal is lifting their adoption freeze February 1st, 2009 and that she wanted me to send her all of my paperwork so I can be in the first batch received by the Ministries in Nepal. I have rushed before, only to find myself waiting in a never-ending line....I must admit I was skeptical of the request, but complied by spending the entire night piecing together all of the documents I collected over the past few months. I had it all, but needed to organize it and get 2 originals notarized and make two copies of everything. The 3" stack got mailed Friday morning and was received in PA by 11:58 am on Saturday.

The agency called Friday to share that she was compiling the cover letter to accompany the dossier to Nepal. Being a third world country, there is no order to the receipt of the documents in the country. China logs in every dossier and places children based on your log-in date. Not so in Nepal. There is no guarantee as to when I will get Mikayla, but my gut says that she will join the family this summer. She is already in my heart. I can't wait to see her and hold her.

I continue to be hopeful and not lose sight of my dream.

It's Been a While Since I Posted...

Well...it has been over a month since I last made a post to this blog. There is very little to update all of you on and the wait continues to be very painful for me. I am waiting to hear from US Customs and Immigration (USCIS) to see if I have approval for adoption of an orphan from Nepal. If so, I can send my dossier to Nepal and begin my wait for that country to open its doors to international adoption.

The USCIS made a favorable ruling in terms of a form titled, I600A.

In summary, it is of understanding that, effective immediately, families who filed Form I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition, prior to April 1, 2008 (THIS WOULD BE ME) and whose USCIS approval of that petition (aka the I-171H) has not expired (THIS WOULD ALSO COVER ME), will be able to proceed with their adoption under the I-600A process if they take certain steps while their approval remains valid. This means that families with valid Form I-600A approvals will not be required to transition to The Hague process via Form I-800A. In order to maintain their status as ‘grandfathered’ cases, families with non-expired Form I-600A approvals must request a one-time free extension (I ALREADY DID THIS DURING THE SUMMER). Then, prior to the expiration of the one-time free extension, families must file a new Form I-600A and pay the appropriate fee (I WILL HAVE TO PAY THE FEE AGAIN, BUT NOT GO THROUGH THE EXTENSIVE PROCESS OF A NEW FORM THAT COMES WITH IT A VERY LABOR INTENSIVE AND COSTLY PAPER TRAIL).

It is also of understanding that families with a Form I-600A approval that has expired and who have not obtained an extension or filed a new Form I-600A will need to undertake the Hague process. The Hague process will also apply to any petitioner who has not completed their adoption by 2014. (STINKS TO BE THEM...MANY PEOPLE LET THEIR FORMS EXPIRE BECAUSE THEY WILL LIKELY EXPIRE TWO TO THREE TIMES BEFORE THE ADOPTION IS FINAL AND EACH TIME YOU RENEW YOU NEED TO PAY MORE FEES FOR A HOME STUDY UPDATE. HOWEVER, I AM GLAD I TOOK A CHANCE AND RENEWED. I WAS HOPING THIS RULING WOULD OCCUR....AND IT DID. THOSE PEOPLE THAT DID NOT RENEW THEIR PAPERWORK HAVE TO USE THE NEW FORM.)

Cybershower Gifts

A fellow April 2007 DTC Yahoo member sent these wonderful gifts for a Cybershower. We were each paired with someone and then sent them a shower gift. I just love the cuddle blanket.

The cute "Frosty Bear" cool pack will be very helpful. My nieces believe that anytime they are hurt they should always be given ice. Apparently "ice/cool pack" is a comfort for them. In fact, one time, my niece, Madison stated that her teacher wasn't very nice because when she got hurt the teacher did not give her an ice pack. :-)

Thank you, April 2007 DTC Friend!!!

Cool T-Shirt

I found this great T-shirt in Wal-Mart when I was shopping for a cybershower gift for an April 2007 DTC colleague. The cool thing about it is that when the T-shirt moves, the ladybug lights up.

16 Months and another Labor Day Gone by...

Today marks 16 months that my paperwork has been sitting in China. It has not even been reviewed by the Chinese Consulate. No one in China has looked at it to determine whether I meet their requirements or not. All of the personal blogs continue to state that it is still a few more years wait.

As a result of this news, I decided to pursue a concurrent adoption through Nepal. Nepal is not a Hague approved country, which means that it is not regulated by the international adoption laws. Therefore, there could be issues getting a visa for Mikayla to come back into the country. However, there has been improvement in this area. Nepal stopped its international adoption program in May 2007 and has spent time since then cleaning up some of the problems that have plagued the adoption process in Nepal. They approved new laws and are preparing to send their first batch of referrals since the new laws were enacted.

Friday night I made an appointment with myself to complete the initial paperwork for this new adoption opportunity. I sent it off via priority mail on Saturday morning so the agency has it at the start of business on Tuesday. I also contacted the social worker I worked with on the China adoption and she stated that she is willing to work with me on this adoption. I ordered notarized birth certificates and will go downtown tomorrow after work to get notarized copies of my divorce decree. Other than some financial statements, employment letters, and other minor things, I will have the paperwork ready to go for Nepal shortly. I requested a 2 to 3yr. old. The agency predicts a 6 to 12 month wait once Nepal receives my dossier. She does not know for sure because it is not regulated like it is in China. A good number of people have left the China adoption process and are pursuing Nepal.

So....Mikayla is out there waiting for me. In fact...she is born already ....waiting for me to find her!

Family of Michael McAuley (born 1/27/1889) and Mary McKillop McAuley (born 2/14/1891)

A few weekends ago, I had the opportunity to gather with the extended family of Michael and Mary McAuley. Michael and Mary McAuley were my maternal grandfather's parents. We gathered in Westchester, NY and had a terrific afternoon together. John McAuley (son of Michael McAuley who was a son of Michael and Mary McAuley), was a critical person in helping to plan the day. Several other people also helped, including my mom and sister who put together a DVD Movie containing a collection of photos through the years.

I left with a terrific sense of pride in our family and how it has grown over the years. My wish is that Mikayla, although born to birth parents she will most likely never know, feels a sense of spiritual connection to her birth family and country while also experiencing a strong sense of belonging among her new family.

Cardinal Flower

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spot one of my most favorite flowers on a canoe trip...the Cardinal Flower. It is special to me for many different reasons. I first discovered the Cardinal Flower while guiding in the Adirondacks, leading youth on week-long canoe and backpacking trips. The flower blooms in late summer, which always signaled the end of another leg of my journey through life. This brought sadness, but helped me store great memories away in my mind.

Additionally, I only remember seeing the flower in one place in the Adirondacks..."Stoney Creek." As I paddled up or down the creek in mid to late August, I could easily spot the brilliant scarlet of the Cardinal Flower. It would flash from within tall grasses lining the creek bed. Its extremely showy blossoms could be recognized from a considerable distance. Every time I saw them in bloom, the sight of them would take my breath away and I would gasp. That is what happened to me on Saturday while canoeing Black Creek in Rochester. I saw something red in the distance and as I approached it I figured out that it was a Cardinal Flower. It brought me back in time 20+ years and all the memories that went with it.

My wish for Mikayla is that she have many adventures in her lifetime that help to kindle her soul.

My Wish

Mikayla,

I have been thinking about you so much lately. This song by Rascal Flatts captures everything about what I wish for you in your life with me!


My Wish
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.

But more than anything, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish. Yeah, yeah.

This is my wish.
I hope you know somebody loves you.
May all your dreams stay big

Lisa B.

Today, I felt like I went back to my primary years in school. Growing up, I went to school with so many people named "Lisa." In fact, my name actually became..."Lisa B." Well, as it turned out, our new assistant principal is also named Lisa. So, as I sat at our administrative retreat today, every time I heard the name Lisa, my head turned. Eventually my principal started to use "Lisa B." and Lisa M." I chuckled to myself, remembering my youth.

In fact, aside from the new AP being named "Lisa," there are four other faculty members named "Lisa" in our building...with six in total. That is a lot for a name that seemed as if it was extinct for a few decades of my life. In 1968 it was the most popular girl's name. Out of the six of us, we represent three different decades, with only two of us born in the 60s.

I don't get the feeling that Mikayla will run into that problem. :-)

This Moment is Your Life!

This summer I have had several adventures with a few more to come. My grandmother always reminded us that life is full of many adventures. Some of these adventures are welcomed and some are not.

My summer started with a camping trip to Hamlin State Park with my friends Mark, Heather, Joan, Mark and all of their children. Although it rained a bit, we still had a great time and learned to play Ladder Ball as well as the game "Apples to Apples," which was a big hit with everyone.

After Hamlin, Billy and I took a wilderness canoe trip to Algonquin Park for five days. The weather was absolutely wonderful, but the canoe portages were brutal. It wasn't just because we're getting older, either...There were many down trees on the trails and the trails were covered in mud that was knee deep. The highlight of the trip was watching a wolf swim across the lake and exit the water right into our campsite. Wow!!

In mid July, I had the opportunity to visit with my friend Jill and my friends Holly and Fletch. Holly has Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and is currently going through chemo. It has been tough on her, but she has a great mindset. We met at her camp on Skaneateles Lake.

My sister, Jen made her annual trip to Rochester with her three girls. We had a great time playing dress-ups, going to SeaBreeze Water Park, putting on a mini talent show, swimming at the Letchworth Pool, shopping at the Public Market, watching movies, and walking around at the Spencerport Canal Days.

At the beginning of August I visited the Adirondacks for a weekend to spend time with my fellow Voyageur friends for our 29th anniversary. Next year will be the 30th year for the Voyageur program. I enjoy spending time with them each year. Last year was the first time I missed the reunion in several years and I will not let that happen again if I can help it.

This past week I went to the Thousand Islands for the first time in my life. I can't believe I have never been there and it is only 3 hours away. Billy and I stayed on the American side in a motel. He planned the entire trip himself, which is rare. :-) We realized that to really enjoy the area, you need a boat. We didn't bring a canoe or kayak with us, but a motor boat really would have been perfect.

I return to work on Monday, but at the end of the week I will fly to Long Island for a McAuley family reunion. I am looking forward to seeing my family, especially my sister, Elaine who has been going through chemo treatments for breast cancer. I feel so helpless being far away. Her daughter, Jesse cut 12 inches off her long her and donated it to "Locks of Love." The hair is used to make wigs for people suffering through chemotherapy. My sister has a great spirit about herself and will pull through this. However, it is so difficult when you see people from your own network of family and friends going through this life struggle.

I am not sure when I will have Mikayla as a part of my everyday life, but she is certainly alive and well in my heart. Life is a journey and things seem to happen for a reason. I know that I started the adoption journey in December 2006 because I felt that Mikayla was out there waiting for me. I know she is still out there, but she might not be in China. She may be in Nepal or Ethiopia...or somewhere else...I will find her and bring her home to me.

Friends and Family

Skaneateles Lake July 2008

Jill Docherty, Fletch Wilson, Holly Wilson, Billy Peacock, Lisa Buckshaw

Jill Docherty and Lisa Buckshaw

Skaneateles Lake July 2008

A week ago I had the opportunity to visit with my friends Holly and Jill. Holly is diagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins lymphoma and lives in New Hampshire. After four treatments of chemo, the tumor is gone!!! She still has cancerous cells in her body and will need to continue chemo until November, but THE TUMOR IS GONE!!!!

Jill is a friend from graduate school in Syracuse. She lived in Rochester for many years, but two years ago she moved to North Carolina. Having the opportunity to gather together last weekend was wonderful.

My sister, Elaine, had her first chemo treatment on Friday for her breast cancer (Stage 2). So far, the treatment has gone well, but in her research study group, they stated that her worst day will mostly be Day 7 after chemo. We'll know more as that day approaches. It's scary watching all of this happen to family and friends, but what is encouraging is the network of support systems that we all have. The Internet makes our network larger.

For almost any tragedy, there are Internet groups of people going through exactly the same experience. I am a part of several support groups for China International Adoptions and I am finding that MANY people are experiencing the same emotional feelings that I am going through. In some ways it is comforting to know that I am not alone. It also provides a network to see how people are dealing with it. Many people are seeking concurrent adoptions or are pulling out of China and seeking a different way to have a child.

I am exploring two additional avenues, one of them being a concurrent adoption through Nepal. I am currently working with an agency called Adoptions Forever. They are based in Pennsylvania. They shared that Nepal closed its doors to adoption in May 2007, but have since opened them again, but have not begun referrals yet. They anticipate that to happen in September. If that happens I could have a baby by Christmas.

Lots to think about. I am not going to rush this decision. I have waited 14 months already, another month or two to sort this out in my mind will not change things for me.

No one said it was going to be easy....

Well, we are halfway through July and I have not made a single post yet. As much as many of you don't really want to hear it, I have been really struggling with turning 40. I turned 40 on July 3rd, 2008 and life has not been rosy since. It is pause for reflection on your life when you know it is halfway over..IF you live to be 80! Don't get me wrong...I have lived a very good life. However, I believe that with the life lessons I know now, I would have led it differently.

First and foremost...trust your instinct on love. It doesn't lie. Second, work is second to family, friends, and love. Third, if you try to do everything yourself, you will end up being only able to count on yourself.

Today was not such a good day on the adoption homefront. I wrote my adoption agency, New Life, because I was frustrated with their lack of notification and support during this long wait. Specifically, I wanted to know why I had not received paperwork to help me update my application (since it expires 08.28.08). I had requested it back in March and at the time, they stated they would send it two months prior to the expiration of my file. When I questioned why I didn't receive it yet, they lied and stated they mailed me a packet in May with the information. I know this is not true. I have no problem with mail delivery. Now, it falls on me to crunch to get the paperwork updated in time to meet the deadline. It is likely not going to happen and therefore I will have to refile my paperwork, however, still keep my place in the wait for my daughter. The refiling means I pay the fees again. This is a scam!!

On top of that, my agency just sent out a discouraging e-mail about the increased wait time as well as increase in fees oversees. The message is below:

First of all, please accept my sincere greetings and great respect for all of your patience and insisting love to China adoption during this long process. I know that all of you have made a great effort and have done a great deal during this long process, but as a matter of fact, the waiting time for referrals has become longer and longer. The wait is very hard on everyone, including us. We want all families to come to China and be united with your new children. We are looking forward to see families who came to China before, and hear about the children you adopted before.

As Beijing Olympics is approaching, CCAA has issued a notice two months ago to extend the validity period of Notice of Coming to China for Adoption (travel letter as we have called in the past) from three months to five months for referrals in June and July in order to help adoptive families avoid the travel peak and have more time to arrange their journey in China for adoption. We hope that there will be change after the Olympics.

There are some other things that I want to tell you about, so you will know about what is happening in China. The US money exchange rate was 8.2 yuan to one US dollar for many years. Then the Chinese government decided to let the exchange rate float. The US dollar is very weak now and it makes everything much more expensive for you in China. The rate is now 6.7 yuan to one US dollar. Some people think it will go down farther to 6 yuan to one US dollar. That means that the expenses for you in China has increased by almost 20%. I am sorry to tell you this, because when you travel in China it is much more expensive.

Also we are suffering with price increases for our food and our gas. I read that this is a new problem for the whole world. No one in China knows what this will mean for our future. China has struggled in the past to have food and housing for all our people. The one child policy was started to reduce our numbers, so it would be possible to have enough food and houses for Chinese people. We also have the terrible problems left from the earthquake and flooding. There are many children now without parents. Many families lost their only child too. It is very sad, and it will take China a long time to recover from this.

Best,

Frank (New Life Representative in China)

I am not sure where I go from here. It is now anticipated that my wait will be up to five years (with 14 months already passed). I have been struggling with this and any other options I may have for creating the family I want. I have recently been exploring them more vigilantly and hope to make a decision by the end of summer. Stay tuned!

My Gardens

One of my favorite ways to spend an afternoon is to walk among my gardens and collect flowers for flower arrangements. When I lived out in the country I was able to walk my acres of land and make 10 - 15 flower arrangements at a time. Each one was unique. Since moving into my suburban house almost three years ago, I have not had the gardens to do that. Most of the gardens were really just landscaping.

With the help of my parents and my aunt and uncle, I have added several new gardens to my property. The flower gardens are just beginning to take shape and will need a few years before they will truly flourish with many blossoms, but I was thrilled to walk around my gardens on Saturday and make four unique arrangements using a mix of perennial flowers and hearty landscaping bushes/trees. The arrangements came out nice.

My grandmother (Mimi) was an avid gardener. My mom loves to garden and my older sister, Elaine also gardens. I love it because it allows you to become one with the Earth. It also allows me to care for something. When I lose a flower or something doesn't grow as quickly as it should, or even when a flower begins to wilt, I take it personally and want to give the plant the best care possible. Perhaps that is the nurturing nature that I have as well as the women in my family.

I look forward to summer days with Mikayla when we can walk around the house and pick flowers. I wonder what her favorite flower will be?

My Secret Pal Has Been Revealed!!!

My Secret Pal revealed herself today! Actually...it was a husband and wife team: Michael and Maria Berner. The gifts above were the May gifts they sent me. The June gifts were organized around the Hershey theme because they are from Hershey, PA (I didn't take a picture of them yet.). One of the items is an adorable Hershey sweatshirt for Mikayla. Of course, she included a chocolate bar that I will just have to eat since it won't be tasty by the time Mikayla arrives. :-)

Thanks for everything, Michael and Maria!!!

Cool Gifts!!!

I have wonderful friends who are always thinking about me as they are out and about in their everyday life. My friend, Mary Jane Brennan gave me a Panda Bear Webkinz as a Mother's Day gift. Now I can join in the fun with my nieces and nephews. She chose the Panda Bear because it is a symbol of China. Before I got this one as a gift, I sometimes logged in under my nieces account, Madison, and played the games. She often wondered how she had more money than she did the last time she logged in to the account.

The cuddle blanket above was given to me by my friend and co-worker, Sue Stanford. She was attending the Fairport Canal Days and saw that this cuddle blanket had ladybugs on it and had to get it. It is soooo soft. I know Mikayla will love it.
The switch plate above was an impulse purchase on my part. I was walking through Baby's R Us searching for a gift for a friend when I saw the same pattern my sister has for her nursery. It is too early to get all of the bedding, but I got the switch plate as a precursor to the rest.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day!

Today I got up early and sat in the hot tub enjoying my morning coffee...decaf that is! I converted two weeks ago and have been a having quite a difficult time going through the withdrawal of the caffeine.

As I sat in the hot tub and reflected on Father's Day I was envious of the outing that my family was planning for the day. My parents, sister and her family, and my brother and his family were headed to Robert Moses beach for the day. The girls were all looking forward to getting together with their cousins. They will be much older when Mikayla finally arrives, but I know they will enjoy lugging her around. That's what girl cousins do!

I spent the day finishing up some gardening and painting and then took my kayak out for a paddle. It was soooooo enjoyable. I can't believe that I resisted being a kayaker. The kayak is so liberating and gives me such freedom on the water. I enjoyed the afternoon.

I'm So Happy!!

This afternoon at 4:10 pm my friend, Amy, received "THE CALL" from her agency that her baby was just born!!!!!! Amy and her husband are adopting domestically. They started their process in December 2007 (at that time, I had already put a year into the process including paperwork). They knew that a single woman was looking at their file TODAY, but she did not know if the woman would pick them to be the adoptive parents. She did!!!!!

I am thrilled for her!!!! She leaves for Virginia on Monday and will have her baby in her arms by Tuesday. With two weeks of school left, this happened at a perfect time. Amy is starting summer early and beginning a new chapter of her life.

We joked that she does not have a diaper in the house nor any toys. We will coordinate a shower for her very quickly!

I am amazed at the short time frame she went through.

The Special Plate

This past weekend I found myself reminiscing about some of my favorite family traditions. Two traditions that are in the forefront of my mind right now are the "Special Plate" and the "Christmas Cookie Day."

As I compiled my last box of gifts for my April 2007 DTC Secret Pal. One of the gifts I sent her was a "Special Plate." The "Special Plate" was a red plate in my family. It was a time honored tradition among early American families that when someone deserved special praise or attention they were served dinner on a red plate. Today, this custom, so dear to early American families, returns to remind us that a simple reward can mean so much.

The Red Plate was the perfect way to acknowledge a family member's special triumphs...celebrate a birthday...praise a job well done...reward a goal achieved...or simply say "You Are Special Today."

When my mother helped us set the table for a meal, she placed the celebration plate at the individual's usual spot at the dinner table. When everyone noticed that it was out we talked about why and gave the recipient the chance to share his/her good news and accomplishments with everyone.

When the Red Plate was used, meals became a celebration honoring that special person, event or deed. It was definitely a visible reminder of love and esteem. I do not know whether or not the Red Plate was a family tradition for my mother as a child or whether she only started this tradition with us, but it clearly sent a message that we were appreciated and remembered.

The Red Plate...was and continues to be a tradition in my family, symbolizing the good and happy times. It speaks volumes of love, when words just are not enough.

The plate I sent to my Secret Pal was not red, but it was a commercially packaged "Special Plate." I hope it brings her family much joy.

The other tradition I reminisced about was our family "Christmas Cookie Day." I attended a wedding shower this weekend and purchased items off of the bride's registry and packaged it all in the form of passing on one of my family traditions. I purchased items off of the bride's registry that aligned with baking cookies (rolling pin, mixing bowl, cookie cutters...) and then compiled a bound "Christmas Cookie Log." The front of the log contained the following message:

I thought as part of my gift to you, I would share with you one of my family traditions. Every December, we devoted one Saturday to making Christmas cookies. We started at dawn and ended at dusk. After the cookies were made and tucked away into bins, we would sit down as a family and write a journal entry about that year’s cookie baking experiences. There was always something funny that happened as the whole family gathered to share in the event.

I have created a binder with space for you to journal and also included some of my family’s recipes. Add yours to the collection and use this book to keep track of the special times your family shares as it gathers to bake at Christmas.

Enjoy!

Traditions are an important part of any family. They are what keeps our life rich with wonderful memories. My wish for Mikayla is that we form our own traditions as well as continue some of the ones I had growing up.

The Magic of Childhood :-)

Two weekends ago I visited LI to help take care of my sister who was recovering from surgery. She needed help because she has three very active girls (ages 7, 4, and 1). I enjoyed being able to help out, because I know there will be a time when I will not be able to do so because of my own family commitments.

On Friday morning I walked Madison (age 7) to the bus stop and on the way there she said, "You're it when we get there!" I wasn't sure what she was referring to, but went along with it anyway. How could I have possibly forgotten about "playing tag at the bus stop?" We did that all the time growing up!!! Well....I was it!! I quickly noticed that none of the other mothers were playing tag and just looked at me funny. Apparently, I was the talk of the children on the bus on the way to school. One girl told Madison that "your mom is cool." Madison was sure to tell her that I wasn't her mom. I was her aunt. The girl didn't really care, but responded by saying, "Tell her she is IT on Monday!" My sister Jen laughed when I told her about my bus stop adventure. Ben, Jen's husband, is the person who normally takes Madison to the bus stop. He assured me that he NEVER plays tag!!!

The next day while I was washing and painting the front porch, Lauren (age 4), began to play with the water bucket. She asked to borrow a paint brush and then proceeded to sit for hours "painting" each brick on the front walkway with water, one at a time. Madison soon joined her and decided to fill two Chinese food containers with water, one for each of them. As she stepped off the porch, heading towards the walkway, she held up her container and said, "Look, Lisa, I have Magic Paint!!" I looked at it and said, "Wow..what makes it magical?" Madison looked right at me, smiled from ear to ear and said, "It can be any color paint that I want it to be!" She then proceeded to join Lauren in painting the pavers in the walkway with the "Magic Paint."

Madison and Lauren, like all of my nieces and nephews, need very little to occupy themselves for hours. They tap into their imagination and then have endless opportunities for fun. My wish for Mikayla is that she learns the true spirit of "play" through her interactions with her cousins. I hope that the distance in miles and age becomes minimized through mutual efforts to visit.

Life Flashes By In An Instant

Fletch, Me, and Hollis at Whiteface in the Adirondacks

In one moment I am hanging out with friends in a ski lodge at the end of an awesome day, drinking a few brewskies with the "Bud Light Man" thinking that life couldn't possibly get any better and in the next I am wondering how time flew by so quickly and the daily exchanges between friends turned into yearly exchanges at Christmas.

I was struck by how quickly time flies by when I received an e-mail from my friend Fletch sadly communicating that my good friend, Hollis, has cancer. She's 39!!! I met her in graduate school at the U of R when her husband was completing his residency as an OB GYN. We instantly became friends. We met each other as we were both recovering from losses. Mine was lost hopes and dreams and hers was the loss of her 1 month old son. She went on to become the mother to three additional children. The youngest, Laramie was adopted from Ethiopia.

How could this happen to such a beautiful, fun loving, and free spirited mother of four and wife to one fantastic guy? If anyone can beat this, she can!!! She created a blog that updates her progress on a daily basis. She has the good kind of cancer (if there is such a thing)---Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The unfortunate part is that she has stage 4 (which is the worst), because it reached her bone marrow. You can track her progress at the following blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/holliswilson.

Last night while trying to make sense of all of this, I sat in my hot tub staring up at the night sky. As I did, each constellation reminded me of a different aspect of my life and the people I was with at the time. 40 years has gone by quickly, but it is not long enough to have experienced all of the opportunities me and my friends and family have yet to have. Hollis and Fletch and I have more good times to be had with each other!!!! Get better Holly!!!

Mikayla can't wait to meet you!!!

12 Month Anniversary!!!

Tonight marks the twelfth month of my wait since my Log-in Date (4/29/2007). Twelve months!!!! I probably have at least 18 more months, but I know I can handle it.

Mikayla, wherever you are right now....I am anxiously awaiting your arrival.

A Wonderful Friend....Mary Jane

My friend, Mary Jane stopped by my office at work this week and asked me if I had a moment. She handed me a gift, which I will explain later in this post. Mary Jane is a wonderful person. I attribute my adoption journey to her. In July of 2006 I started a new job in a new district and was just beginning to get to know people. In November/December 2006 she and I had a very personal conversation about being a mom and she suggested that I consider adoption. She adopted her two daughters from China.


After that conversation Mary Jane stayed up late at night at her computer and e-mailed me links to adoption agencies. She worked diligently to help me find an agency that would accept me as a single woman. She found one for me and the rest is history. I am so grateful!!! I truly believe that people come into our lives for a reason.

This week she stopped by my office to give me a piece for Mikayla's quilt. When I saw what she gave me I felt such a warmth in my heart. She gave me a blanket that she brought to China on two separate trips to bring home her daughters. In fact, on the tag of the blanket, there is a room number indicating what room they stayed in on one of the trips.

I plan to cut a piece for the quilt, and then have my mom sew the binding back on it and bring it to China to bring home Mikayla. Then, I will have my mom divide it into three "cuddle blankets" - one for Mikayla and one for each of Mary Jane's daughters, Jane and Amy.

Mary Jane also gave me a Dr. Seuss cloth book to take with me to China. She shared that you don't get to take too many things with you and that the cloth book is entertaining and lightweight.

I am so lucky to have crossed paths with Mary Jane and her family. They live only a few blocks over from me and we both imagine that someday her girls will be old enough to babysit Mikayla!!! I will post the quilt piece in the quilt section of my blog at a later date.

Secret Pal Strikes Again....

My Secret Pal has started to give hints about who she is and where she is from. Her hint this month is that "people are "SCREAMING" where she lives. Is that the "Screaming Eagles?" I have a friend who lives in Philadelphia and he is a die hard Eagles fan. That is how I know about the Eagles.

Secret Pal, Thank you so much for the very thoughtful gifts. I love the lullabies on the CDs. My sister had a CD with lullabies that she played every night for her three girls. They loved it! The outfit is adorable as well. Of course the body lotions will be put to great use!!! They are something for me to use in a relaxing moment. Thanks!!I am looking forward to knowing more about you.

Thank You, Secret Pal!

My Secret Pal is wonderful!!!!!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I can't wait to find out who you are!! You are the most incredible person! This week I received a big box with wonderful gifts inside. The ladybug bean bag is absolutely amazing!! Mikayla's room will be decorated with a ladybug border and crib set. I have already begun my collection of unique items to include in her room and your gifts will be such a significant part of what she sees on a daily basis. The blue dress with ladybugs is precious. I can already imagine her wearing it on a nice spring or summer day.

I love the St. Patrick's Day socks. Every St. Patrick's Day I go skiing and snowboarding with my family in Vermont. They will be worn in the most festive way!

When I looked at the bib that said, "I love my mommy" I couldn't help but think of my little girl smiling at me with a face covered with food. I can hardly wait!!!!

But most of all, the card that was sent in the mail, separate from the package, was the most touching. It tugged at my heart and reminded me that I am not alone in this process. There are others who are experiencing the highs and lows right along with me. Thank you for making me cry and smile all at the same time!!! You will be a great mom!!!!

11 months!!!

Wow! 11 months have already passed since my LID!! It has gone by faster than I thought it would. In past years, I would already have had my daughter home by now. Good things come to those who wait!

I Feel Like I am Getting Too Old....

I don't really have much to say in this posting except that these past three weeks or so have taken a toll on me. With every move I take I feel the pains of turning 40 this summer. This past weekend I went skiing in Vermont with my siblings and observed a 45 yr old woman with twin four year olds. She was a great person and a wonderful mom, but I couldn't help but look at her and say, "I'll be older than her when I have a 4 year old." My body and energy level is already changing. I felt the pain of snowboarding and skiing this year more than ever and I exercise every day for an hour!!!

Will I be too old to be the kind of mother I always wanted to be to my child? Maybe my window of opportunity has already passed.

Special Gifts From Friends

The other day I came home from work and found a package waiting for me. I LOVE getting packages. I think my fondness for getting packages in the mail started in college when my parents, but especially my Dad, would send me care packages. They were always such a nice surprise and made me feel so very special.

That feeling hasn't changed. So, when I saw the package and who it was from I was excited. Aunt Phyllis sent this adorable ladybug with a card that reads:

Ladybugs are all over the place and boy do we have big ones in Easthampton!!
Love,
Phyl

I was having a rough week at work with many tasks to complete and students to see with very little time to do it. In fact, I felt as if the day would start and I had one appointment after the next with no time to breathe. Every meeting resulted in more work to complete later. Sue, a friend and colleague greeted me in the morning with a gift bag and said, "Open this!...You have to open this!" When I did, a smile came across my face. She said, "I thought you could use something to make you smile." Well....she succeeded!

I am so lucky to have such special people in my life.

This Tinkerbell place setting was a gift from me to Mikayla. I saw it on sale in Wegman's and had to get it. My friend Marianne loves Tinkerbell because it reminds her of her grandmother and seeing it in the store gave me that warm feeling that there are a lot of people sending good wishes towards Mikayla.

Never Stop Exploring!

Today, while watching the snow fall outside, from the comfort of my home, I got the urge to go snowshoeing. I haven't gone at all this season and at the end of last season I bought new boots, for the specific purpose of using them to snowshoe.

The weather was bad outside and had it been a school day, I am confident that school would have been closed. My snowplow guy had already been to my house three times this morning since about 4 am. Growing up, if it was snowing outside we didn't go anywhere with the car. That makes sense.....but today, I had snowshoeing on my mind!!

I got out my new boots and put them on my feet. As I bent down to pull them on, I noticed the writing on the bottom of my North Face boots....."Never Stop Exploring!" It brought a smile to my face because that is exactly what I wanted to do today on my snowshoes...explore. I packed the snowshoes in my car and off I went to Black Creek Park. I even brought my camera with me. There were few people in the park and the clouds and falling snow created a silence in the air.

As I was walking I reflected on how easy it was for me to get up and decide to take this adventure on my own, but that it would be different once Mikayla was with me. Then I thought of my conversation with my sister, Jen, this morning. It was 7 am and she was packing all three of her girls into the car to go to McDonald's for breakfast. In my mind I thought, "How crazy! That's a lot of effort for breakfast!" My sister then explained that McDonald's was the way in which she could motivate her girls to get up, get dressed, and then pack themselves in the car in a relatively quick manner. My sister's real plan was to pick out tile in Lowe's. So...she got them ready fast, went to breakfast at McDonald's and then the kids were so happy that they didn't mind going to Lowe's with Mommy and Daddy to pick out tile!! How clever!!

I am learning all of the tricks. Perhaps that is how I'll get Mikayla up and ready to go snowshoeing with me. :-) I'll never stop exploring!!

I

My foot in my snowshoe.

This is a picture of Black Creek...looking down from the trail.

Thank You, Secret Pal!!!!

Thank you for such a wonderful collection of gifts . It was a wonderful way to bring in the Chinese New Year. I have to admit that I have not stopped listening to the CD you burned for me. Derryl Penny has such a terrific voice. Track 5 is my favorite!!!! I'll have to download it into my i-tunes for my i-pod.

The little globe is fantastic. I am always amazed at the wonderful gifts you seem to find. Thank you for thinking of me. The wait seems to be getting harder for me and I am getting more than a little bit discouraged by what seems like a never ending process.

A Wonderful Weekend With Friends

I am very fortunate to have such good friends and a great family to share my life with. Not living near any family, I have really come to have a wonderful network of friends in Rochester. Friday night I gathered with colleagues from work and laughed for hours about everything and anything. It was a great release after such a busy week.

Saturday, I took advantage of the awesome weather and the snow and did a 6 mile cross country ski loop at Black Creek Park. It was probably the best cross country skiing of the winter. I enjoyed every minute of the solitude in the park.

That evening my good friends Joan, Mark, Heather, and Mark came over for dinner and hot tubbing. We always have a great time with each other and are always sad when the evening comes to an end. As I reflect on the evening, I am glad that we carve time out of our lives to gather about once a month or so. I am still laughing at the ordeal of getting everyone in and out of the hot tub due to the coldness of the air and snow on the ground.

My wish for Mikayla is that she surrounds herself with people who care deeply for her and what she stands for in life and people who will be there to share in her brightest moments and deepest sorrows. We call those people friends!!

Weekends...

Another weekend has come and gone. This one wasn't anything spectacular, but did represent another weekend closer to getting Mikayla.

On Saturday we went for a walk in a park and observed an Asian woman and her 9-10 year old daughter snowshoeing. As we approached them going in the opposite direction on the trail, the young girl was smiling and talking non-stop to her mother. She was radiant in her energy and personality. The mom smiled as we walked by her on the park trail. Later we saw them again. They were seated on a bench on the side of the trail overlooking the winter woods. Birds chirping around them received their attention. The young girl pointed in several directions attempting to point out birds for her mother to identify. The mom's face displayed happiness with the playful way in which her daughter was taking in the moment. As we walked by, the girl hopped up with a laugh and a very cute smile and said to her mother, "OK, That's enough." Her energy and comment made me think of Mikayla because I could easily see myself in that mother's shoes someday. Those two people probably have no idea how much their presence at the park this weekend made my mind wander for hours about having Mikayla here with me.

Snow...Cold Day!!

Today I woke up to a phone call announcing that school was cancelled. As an administrator, I still needed to report, but it meant that I could go in later and leave a bit earlier than normal. I remember looking at my clock and then pulling the covers tight up to my face and cuddling with my cat for longer than I normally could on a typical morning.

It was a nice morning!!!!

Cuddling with my cat reminded me of a comment my four year old niece, Lauren made the other day. While talking to her on the phone I asked her what she was doing. She responded in such a sweet little girl voice by saying, "Cuddling with Mommy." I said, "Oh, that sounds nice because your Mommy is such a good cuddler." Without even hesitating, she commented back, "You are too, Lisa."

That simple little comment made me ache for Mikayla. I wanted to cuddle with her. Had I had her today I would have held her tight so we both kept warm on this cold morning.

Thank you, Secret Pal!

This month my Secret Pal sent me wonderful gifts. I know the soft baby comforter will be put to good use. There was also a picture frame that reads along the outside of the frame: "ten perfect fingers...Ten perfect toes." In the box was "My first chopsticks." Where does he/she find these cool things. I think I am the one who will need to use the children's chopsticks. They look easy to use. He/She also included a little piggy bank. Perhaps I could start saving for her college education!!!
Thanks so much, Secret Pal!!!!

I Am Sooooo Lucky!!!

Last Saturday I hurt my back very bad. I am still in a lot of pain and have tremendous difficulty walking, especially when my medication is about to wear off. I had off Monday, took off Tuesday and tried to go to work on Wednesday. I made it until 2:00 pm and then left. I didn't go today and I don't know about tomorrow.

The e-mails from friends have been wonderful. Every one wants to help out in some way. I am fine now, but if this happens when I have Mikayla, I will definitely need you!!! :-)

Boy, am I fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life!

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!!!!

Saturday afternoon after returning from a visit with a friend, I bent over to take off my boots and discovered that I could not get back up. It was a horrible feeling. I was all alone and in great pain. I had excruciating pain running down my legs and no matter which way I tried to move, it hurt. I was caught in a bent over position.

I eventually sucked up the pain to get myself all the way to the ground. Luckily, my purse, with my phone in it, was nearby. I grabbed it and then spent the next hour inching myself over the kitchen tile, 20 feet to the living room. During the one hour crawl to the living room I imagined what I would do if I was alone with Mikayla. What if she was screaming upstairs while I was knocked down on the floor? What if I didn't have my phone with me when this happened? Suddenly I found myself worrying about another person. I guess that is the mother in me already worrying. I reflected on those commercials that I always laughed at as a child where they have an elderly person who has fallen and then he/she presses a button and says, "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Those life saving devices seem to make sense to me now.

Well, it has been three full days and my back is still killing me. I made it to Urgent Medical Care, thanks to good people in my life. They prescribed the strongest dose of Vicadin that they could and said that if I lose control of my bowels to go to emergency right away...I didn't find that very comforting. The doctor told me that I need to stay off my feet for at least a week!!!!! ONE WEEK!!!!! I told him I couldn't do that and that I had to go to work. He laughed at me and said that if I can't walk it will be difficult to get to work. He is right, but I had off today due to the holiday and I will see what happens in the morning.

What would I do if I had Mikayla and was a single mom???? I guess that is where good friends come into play. A world where I do everything myself is suddenly not as appealing as it was as a 20 something year old. Friends help you back up!!!

Stereotypes...

Saturday night while visiting with friends, we got into a conversation about stereotypes. We all stereotype in one way or another. However, the stereotyping can sometimes turn into hatred and then hurt. We have all been victims of this at some point in our lives. In fact, an earlier blog posting of mine cites a personal example of mine where I felt discriminated against because I was one of the only white people in a movie theater with mostly people of color. That experience left a mark on me.

As I talked with friends on Saturday my mind wandered to what life in the US would be like for Mikayla. My wish for her is that she has the strength and wisdom to be strong against any racism she may experience and that she use the experience as an opportunity to educate others.

Stereotypes by their very nature are false. They are attempts to claim that each individual human being in a certain group shares a set of common qualities. Since an individual is different from all other individuals by definition, stereotypes are a logical impossibility.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Today was one of those days....the kind of days where no matter how hard you try to stay focused on your task at hand, your mind wanders to other thoughts. Mostly, the wandering was about how I got to where I am today. Perhaps this was triggered by my attendance at a wake for a colleague whose father had passed away. He was only 64!

It made me think about my parents and how there is no way this can happen to them because I have so much more life that I want to share with them. They are both 60. I thought about how I feel as if my adult life is just starting to come together. I will finally be a mom!!!!

My thoughts of the past brought me to view my picture albums. As I viewed album after album, tears welled up in my eyes about how time has gone by so quickly. I looked at a picture from 1979 of my family skating in Rockerfeller Center, but feel like I can remember it as if it was yesterday. There are pictures of me and my cousins at Grandma Mimi's House for Thanksgiving. My cousins all seem so young, but yet they are all grown up, married and have two or three children. How does time go by so quickly???

One picture that captures my eyes and my heart every time I view it is of me and my Grandfather (June 1973). He was visiting Long Island after being very sick and in the hospital. My mom showed him the bike she had gotten for Christmas (It was a large tricycle...with a basket on the back for us kids to hop in.). I remember my grandfather telling my mom that he was going to take it for a ride. I immediately hopped in the back basket. My parents wanted me to get out because they didn't know if my grandfather was strong enough to peddle me around. However, my grandfather wouldn't have it any other way. I rode with him. He passed away two years later. The picture below is a picture of that day. I love this picture! I look forward to the day that Mikayla interacts with her grandparents and cousins in such a loving way.

There was one very small box of pictures from a part of my past that seems so distant now...I opened it up and relived the hopes and dreams that were a part of the pictures. It reminded me that nothing is forever and that time does not stand still.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life, But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

--Souza

A Lasting Impact....

There are people, places, things, and moments that have a lasting impact on your life. They don't all need to be powerful, but rather, can be quiet, simple moments that you remember forever and as a result, shape your life. Some are positive memories and others I'd prefer not to relive.

My friend John, who taught me patience and showed me the beauty in the stillness of the wild is wrapped up in several positive memories. I remember the sadness in my heart the day he died. After I heard the news, I went outside, crying a river of tears, and planted spring bulbs in my front garden. That spring, the first bulbs that popped up formed a triangle around where my body was when I heard the news of his passing. Those flowers were the most beautiful spring flowers I have ever seen. John has a lasting impact on my life....

In 1993-1994 I taught seventh grade students at Odyssey Middle School. I loved teaching! It was a lot of work, but I actually felt as if I made a difference for some students...not all of them, but a few. I had a group of students in my "Connectime" that I invited to my house every year for a turkey dinner. The students and I really looked forward to this annual event and over the years I adopted a few who weren't in my Connectime, to come and join us for the day. I still keep in contact with some of these students today, many years later. During the Christmas holiday I received a surprise phone call form one of them, named Kara, who told me she had been talking about me with some friends and decided to give me a call. This was a wonderful gift!!!! We got together today to take a trip down memory lane and catch up on all that she has been doing. She is very happy in life and is currently working full time and going to graduate school. It's not often that we get to see our students as adults! Not only did I get to see her, but her mom also! We never know the impact we have on each other's lives!

My heart remembers the simple moments with each of my friends... the one's that may seem ordinary, but are actually extraordinary. If you are reading this now....you are a friend...and I am sure you and I can remember a simple moment that we shared that we cherish in our hearts. Thanks for having a lasting impact on my life no matter how long or short you are a part of it.

I want Mikayla to be surrounded by good people who believe in her and help her to find her way in this world. People, places, things, and moments that have a lasting impact in her life in a positive way....

Thank you, Secret Pal!

What a thoughtful Secret Pal!!! The holidays can be such a busy time of year that sometimes it takes a small gesture to stop us in our tracks and reflect on life. A package arrived from my Secret Pal that grounded me towards what really matters in life.

She/He gave me many beautiful gifts this month, but one that stands out in my mind is the children's tea set. Tea parties were one of my fondest childhood memories. My sisters and I used to have porcelain tea sets that we used regularly while wearing our "dress-up" clothes. My nieces continue my childhood tradition. In fact, while visiting my family at Christmas, one niece, who's three, kept asking to have a sip from my cup of tea. She likes to have tea parties while wearing some of her princess outfits.

Thank you, Secret pal for sending me such a thoughtful gift that brought back wonderful memories!!

I also love the small music box! Where do you find such clever gifts? It must be in your world travels!

Have a great holiday!

Can I do anything right the first time?

Lately I have been in this funk of wondering if I can do anything right the first time. If you think about it, it is difficult to go through life alone and get most things right the first time. After all, who is there to help you think through the difficult decisions or ask you the right questions that get you to the point of doing something right the first time?

This deep reflection comes after my recent "hot tub experience." I have wanted a hot tub for a very long time and finally made the decision to install one in my backyard. First, I had to determine which one to purchase. Imagine being a female and walking into a male dominated store to learn more about buying a hot tub!!! I am very naive and always believed that people are generally nice....and not out to soak me for whatever money I am willing to pay. However, I learned that this was not true!

As the day progressed, I became frustrated rather than excited about buying a hot tub!! I got better at asking key questions such as: How much should I expect per month to heat the tub? What would an electrical installation cost? What does the chemical maintenance cost per month, etc. I may have gotten better at asking the questions, but it didn't mean they had to tell me the truth. As I found out later, there were no consequences for them telling me a lie!!

After much thought and price comparison, I purchased a hot tub from a local pool store, but this was only the beginning of the process!!! I still needed to go to the town and get a permit, prepare the ground for the tub, arrange for the electrician and delivery of the tub, and call the town for a final inspection. Preparation of the ground was not easy. I dug a hole 6" deep and 8' square and filled it with gravel (which was very hard to get this time of year because it is frozen). I was so proud of my accomplishment because that hole took me all of a Sunday to dig and prepare!!!

I needed to take off from work on the day of the hot tub delivery so the electrician could do his work. This was okay with me because I was able to get a lot of work done on my blog. The day was stormy and I felt bad for the men doing the work outside, but they managed to get it all done in four hours. That night the tub had heated up to 98 degrees from a starting point of 43 degrees. It wasn't as hot as I wanted it to be, but I still went in. As I sat there feeling proud, I looked over towards the house and realized that the hot tub was slanted!!!!!

I was furious and then just upset with myself! I had spent all of this money and all of this time and now I was sitting in a hot tub that was not level! It was at this moment in time that I realized that I had properly prepared the ground and made sure the gravel was even with the ground, but I never made sure that the ground was level to begin with!!! This is one of those things that I guess I should just have known to do! I am sure that if I had someone doing this with me together we would have figured it out, but I just didn't think about it. The ground SEEMED level, but I soon found out that it wasn't. There is a gradual slant in my backyard, so now the water in my hot tub is uneven...not just a little, but about two inches!!!

I contacted the company that installed it, because to some extent, they should have at least told me it was slanted when they installed it. I won't know the outcome of the story until Monday. My father reassured me he would help me fix it in the spring.

I will know the next time I do this that I need to use a level, but I didn't think of it for this project. I was so concerned with making the gravel level with the ground. I was focused on the wrong thing!!!!!!

I never seem to get things right the first time. I really don't!!! Once...just once...I'd like to be able to do something right the first time and stand back and say..."I did that right!"

I often think about this in relation to the adoption process. I have never done this before. I know the decision to adopt is the right one, but how do I know that I am doing it right? What if I miss a crucial step? I want to do everything right in the process.

I know I will make mistakes as a mother, but hopefully they are minor mistakes that Mikayla and I can laugh about someday!

A Delayed Thank You to My Secret Pal!!!

Wow! People talk about hectic it is around the holiday time, but I don't think I ever felt as hectic as I do this year. I feel as if I have a lot of things going on at once and am trying to juggle them. I have been meaning to post all the wonderful gifts I got from my Secret Pal during the month of November.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, as a was preparing for twenty people to visit for a few days, a box arrived from my Secret Pal. I was very excited but made the decision to open it after everyone left. Saturday afternoon as the house sat silent after being filled with laughter for several days, I opened the box.

It brought me to tears because I so badly wanted to hold Mikayla in my arms at that moment. That day will come. Inside the box was a "Make and Play Build a Bear," adorable tie dye socks, Chinese tea, and a sand magnet from Cozumel. My Secret Pal must travel quite a bit because she always includes post cards and gift items from other places.

Thank you, Secret Pal! I always look forward to your surprises and the quiet moment in a busy life to reflect on what will be!!

Giving Thanks...for Family :-)

Thanksgiving 2007 has come and gone, but many memories remain. The above picture represents my family (Me, Mom, Dad, two sisters and their husbands, one brother and his wife, and ten nieces and nephews). We took this picture at the Strong National Museum of Play on the steps of the Sesame Street set. We took a similar picture in 2005 at which time there were two less children. The holiday contained many special memories, many of which were traditions carried over from when my Grandma Mimi held the honor of hosting Thanksgiving. It has now officially been transferred to me. She was the master of tradition. I have kept as many traditions as possible and added a few. Our holiday consisted of:

• the traditional pizza dinner Wednesday night as everyone starts to arrive. They all get a kick out of the difference between Long Island and Rochester pizza,


• the prospect of snow for the children to play in on Thanksgiving day,


• the Thanksgiving Talent Show featuring all of the children and some of the adults,


• a formal dinner table in which the children and adults sit together with place cards personalized with inscriptions for each person,


• a camp out for the children in the family room each night of their stay,


• a trip to the National Museum of Play the day after Thanksgiving,


• a trip to the Public Market the Saturday after Thanksgiving,


• my mom helping the children make a Christmas gift for their parents (This year's gift went very different from the way she expected, but was made with love. The children were so excited!),


• Ryan (my oldest nephew) making a daily newsletter announcing the meals and events for the day (much like you would receive on a cruise ship),
  
• the children making the basement their escape from the adults as they engaged in numerous games with each other and tried on the numerous dress-ups. Ian (my nephew) pointed out to me that I only have one dress up for boys and all the rest are dresses. So....the boys had fun dressing up as girls!,


• the children playing outside in the little snow we had,


• a child saying grace at the Thanksgiving table. I choose a different child each Thanksgiving.

Grandma Mimi let her presence be known once again! Thanksgiving morning my mother came downstairs and showed me the ladybug that my Dad found in the bedroom upstairs. Ladybugs always seem to show up on Thanksgiving and at other significant points in our lives. We know that it is my grandmother giving us good wishes. When my mom showed us the ladybug, my sisters and I immediately wanted to take a picture of it. We thought putting it on a white or creme background would help us get the best picture. We put it on one of the place cards I created for the Thanksgiving dinner. When we took the picture, we were in awe at the words that were captured on the picture. The irony was amazing...."I love watching you..."

Grandma Mimi is definitely watching over all of us! Monday night before going to bed, I watched the weather report and it stated that we were going to have weather in the 50s for Thanksgiving. I was a bit bummed because the children really look forward to playing in the snow. As I went to bed I said aloud, "Grandma, it would be great if it would snow on Thanksgiving." When I woke up in the morning I turned on the TV as I was getting ready for work (which I rarely do because I am such a zombie in the morning). As I did my hair, I heard the weatherman say, "Well...we were really wrong...the weather forecast has changed and Thanksgiving will be cold with snowshowers in the afternoon." I couldn't believe it!!! Wow! I said aloud again, "Thanks, Grandma!" The promise of snow was upheld and the children were thrilled!

Throughout the holiday, my family talked about Mikayla. As I watched my family interact with each other I thought about how adding another person to the mix will only add greater delight to my family. Mikayla will likely be the youngest since I think (but don't know for sure) my immediate family is finished having children. :-)

When everyone departed Saturday afternoon I was sad. I cried when my niece Madison hugged me goodbye and wouldn't let go. The silence in my house after having 19 people stay with me for three days was eery. In a few years, the silence will be broken by the sounds of Mikayla running through the house. I look forward to that time!

Thanksgiving...my favorite holiday

Well, there are only two more days before my family starts arriving for the Thanksgiving holiday. I love this holiday because it really is a time to reflect on the past year and all that we have to be thankful for. I am thankful for so many things:

I am thankful...

• that I have a wonderful group of family and friends.


• that a friend was able to connect me with an adoption agency that accepted me as a single woman.


• that all of my adoption paperwork was logged into China before May 1st (4.29.07). As many of you know, May 1st was the date that China changed its regulations and no longer allowed single woman to adopt children from China.


• that I have a job that I love and great people to work with


• that I get to see my family often throughout the year.


• that I have good health.


• that I have a cute cat that cuddles with me every night. :-)

Change...

I wonder sometimes how anything ever gets done in this world. Many people spend time complaining about how things need to be different and then when push comes to shove and a new plan is outlined, they point out all of the perceived reasons the new idea will fail. People fear change!!!

With that said, there are very few people who have the strength to go "against the grain" or do something different from the rest...because it will make them stand out as different. Well guess what?? I want to be different...I always have! You can even ask my family members. I was never someone who did what everyone else did and I am very proud of that (sometimes...okay...most of the time). However, being different from the rest or moving forward with a change when everyone else is status quo is not easy. There are risks involved. However, often...I'd rather take those risks than do nothing and stay exactly the way things are.

Perhaps that is why I pursued adoption. Sure...there are risks...what if Mikayla grows angry with resentment towards me as she gets older? What is Mikayla has a difficult time separating from China when I get her? But.......there are also gains. What if she grows up to be a happy child and loves me as a mother? What if a smile lightens up her face when she sees her new family?

I prefer to take those risks and be a mother than not take the chance and miss out on the possibility of being a mother.

Friends...

Last night I visited with friends. We had a wonderful time. As I drove home from the evening I thought about how blessed I am to have such a great group of people surrounding me. One of the couples, Mark and Heather, brought their newborn baby, Andrew. He was born in September and is absolutely adorable! They have entered a new phase of their life and all of us are excited to be a part of this experience with them.

I know they will all be there for me when Mikayla arrives... even though it is still a few years away.

Preparations...

As I prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday, I am excited about having my brother, sisters, parents and nieces and nephews over my house for several days. Everyone is traveling from out of town to be together on Thanksgiving. The kids are the most excited about the holiday. My niece, Jesse, has already sent an e-mail out to the aunts and uncles announcing that every "child" needs to be prepared to do an act in the family talent show. My brother shared that his son is bringing his flute so he can show everyone what he has learned how to do at school the past few weeks. I am sure some of the adults will also participate in the fun.

The picture above is of some of my nieces and nephews sledding down the small hill in my backyard during Thanksgiving 2005. They all tell me that they really want snow again this year.

It will be a few more Thanksgivings before Mikayla is here, but I will feel her presence. :-)

Time...

As adults, time means something different to us than to children. Today I talked to my six year old niece on the phone and told her that it snowed today in Rochester. She kept responding by saying, "It what?" I repeated by saying, "It snowed!" She questioned me as if I had no idea what I was talking about by stating, "Snowed?" I replied by saying, "Yeah...you know...SNOW...like snowballs and snowmen!" She questioned me again, clearly not comprehending what I meant, "Snowmen??" "Yeah....SNOW...like what you played in at my house at Thanksgiving!" She finally got it. The funny thing about this conversation was that snow is not foreign to her at all, but because in her mind it was not winter time yet, she could not make meaning of that word, "SNOW." As a six year old, she was living right in the moment and in her moment it was...a day off from school and a day to play with Papa and her cousin. It wasn't focused on a "word" that she had not thought of since last winter. Time...

This made me think about Mikayla. While I think about her every day, my wait for her is very different from the wait people experienced a few years ago. Those families probably could not imagine surviving through the wait time I am experiencing. It is incomprehensible. My brother and his wife had their daughter, Grace, in their arms 9 months from their LID. I am already six months into it and feel like I am just getting started. At this point in their timeframe they were already setting up their daughter's room and anticipating a referral. Time...

A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog written by a couple who is currently in China picking up their toddler, who's having difficulty separating. Their blog is: http://sixseven.wordpress.com/ I went to the site and enjoyed clicking on the video of their comments prior to and after picking up their adoptive daughter. While they waited for years to be able to call her their own, in just one moment, their lives were forever changed. Time always needs to be put into perspective. Time...

I look forward to that moment in time.

My Secret Pal Struck Again!!!!!

I love surprises!!!! Today a friend came over my house and said, "Do you always leave packages out on the porch?" I immediately got excited and looked on the porch....it was a box from my secret pal!!! Yahoo!

Inside was a really cool lamp for Mikayla's room. When it gets warmed up, the lamp shade rotates and creates waves of colors throughout the room. Inside the box was a dozen pumpkin scented candles and a Halloween music box.

Thank you, Secret Pal!!! I wonder who you are?????

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by!

As I reflect on my weekend and much of my life I know that I have more often than not taken the road less traveled. I am not certain that was always the best thing, but it is true. There are times when it worked out very well for me and other times when perhaps I should have turned around.

This past weekend is a perfect example of taking the wrong path. I decided to take my new kayak out for another paddle. This time I was headed to Irondequoit Creek. I started at Ellison Park and paddled down to the bay and started paddling back. As I paddled back, the scenery looked different to me, but I kept telling myself, "It's a creek. There is only one way back." About every few minutes or so I noticed objects that I did not notice before. In fact, the creek seemed more polluted by man than it had on the way down. Eventually, the creek narrowed. I asked myself, "Was it this narrow on the way down?" I couldn't believe that I was that out of it when I paddled downstream that I had not noticed any of these details.

It is important to note that I had gotten a late start on the creek to begin with. I didn't start paddling until 2:15 pm. I got to the bay by 3:30 pm and then paddled around before heading back to upstream at 4:00 pm. This became a problem because it gets dark around 5:30 now. Well, as I continued to paddle upstream it became more and more clear to me that I was not on the correct creek. I turned around and started to paddle back downstream again.

I was not pleased when I saw two shady men enter the creek in a small low powered boat. It was even more stressful when I saw them looking back at me and going slower in their boat. I decided to exude confidence and just keep paddling. Believe it or not, I passed their boat powered by a motor. As I passed I smiled at them and told them that my ego was just pumped up because my hand powered boat passed their motor powered boat. They chuckled and so did I and I kept going. Unfortunately, there was no end in site because I did not know where I made the wrong turn. As I turned a corner, I had hope that I saw my error, only to find out that it was a dead end. Soon, I came across "the narrows" and got extremely frustrated because I had passed there on my first trip downstream. "Where did I go wrong?" It was getting dark on the water and too late to turn around again. At this point I decided I was going to go through the narrows and back to the end of the creek and have someone pick me up. I felt like a failure.

At that very moment, I turned around and saw my error!!! The stream forked at the "narrows" and I went the wrong way. At this point it was 5:19 pm and getting dark. I was supposed to meet friends at 6:15 to go to a jazz concert that started at 7:00. I wasn't going to make it, but did not want to waste time calling. I kept paddling.

Eventually, I heard my phone ring and decided to pick up and also try to paddle. This is not an easy task. I spoke to my friend and told her that I was a little distraught at the moment because I was lost on the creek. She could sense something in my voice that she had not heard before. I told her I would call her when I was on my way to our friend's house. At 6:20 I pulled my kayak out of the creek only to be greeted by the park worker. He said he was working when I put in hours ago and noticed I was not back yet and was waiting to see if I got off the water okay. It was nice know I was being watched after.

Why did I take the road less traveled? Why do I always seem to take the road less traveled?

I can site numerous examples of times in my life when I took the road less traveled...some good...some not so good:

1. I was the only one of my siblings that went away for several summers in a row to a sleep away camp as a teenager. This path was unpaved, but looked very exciting and it was indeed!!!
   
2. When looking at colleges I told my parents that I wanted to look at them on my own. They let me have my independence and flew my to different places or drove me, but stayed in the car as I explored. This path was scary, but I wanted to prove that I could do it on my own. I did it, but I am not sure doing it on your own is anything to be excited about. It is a lot easier when you let people help you.


3. When I went away for college, I never really returned to Long Island again. Tradition had it that if you grew up on LI, you were supposed to stay on LI. This was just a small deer path, but after my sister and I left LI, a few others in my extended family have done the same (actually, I think only 2 or 3).


4. I worked at an all guys camp all through my summers in college. I had the time of my life...so I am confident this was a great road to travel. The guys are still my friends today! Twenty years later, for a few it is 25 years because we met at summer camp!!


5. I married young and then divorced... the first and only person in my entire extended family to be in this predicament. This was definitely the road less traveled and hope that no one has to travel down that path alone.


6. Took the scholarly path after my divorce since creating a family was not an option. While I am proud of my accomplishments, there could be no greater sense of accomplishment than having a family of your own. That is why I am thrilled about my decision to adopt.


7. Climbed the "corporate ladder" towards "success." I learned a lot about life while on this journey and one of the most important things I learned is that family should always come first. This was a valuable lesson to learn, which resulted in a career change for me.


8. I decided to adopt. This is a path that is becoming more worn and for good reasons. The joy associated with the decision to adopt is tremendous!!! Fortunately, I have friends as well as a brother who have taken this path already and have shared their excitement for me as I walk along this path.
   

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Ladybug Luck!

I have always believed ladybugs to have a special meaning and to be bearers of good luck...long before I started my adoption journey. A few years ago, while celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday at my home in Rochester, my sister, her children and I were blessed with a visit from a ladybug at the very moment that we were remembering my grandmother. Thanksgiving was HER holiday. What I mean by that is that she made it a magical time for the family. Every year all of my aunts, uncles, and numerous cousins gathered at her house for dinner and an overnight camp out. The memories created are held in my heart forever.

Seeing the ladybug at the very moment that we were thinking of her set a beautiful tone for the holiday. We have all talked about the specialness of that moment. Last Friday I was at a friend's house who has two adopted daughters from China. As we were discussing the wait time (probably 3+ years), a ladybug came into view in her living room. At first we thought it was a spider. I told her to not worry about it and to just let it go, but when we got closer, it was a beautiful ladybug. My friend and I looked at each other and instantaneously believed it was a sign that the wait would be shorter than I currently think. I can only hope!

A New Adventure...

Last weekend I purchased a kayak so that I could go on solo adventures on the water. I took it out on Black Creek both Saturday and Sunday. I can't believe that I resisted buying a kayak for so long!!!! It is absolutely wonderful. Today when I was out on the water I imagined having Mikayla with me and sharing the enjoyment with her.

I paddled past solo paddlers as well as families of paddlers. Everyone was having a good time. I chuckled as I paddled past a brother and sister in a canoe going in circles. They were laughing, giggling, and quarreling with each other all at the same time. They will probably talk about today's paddling experience for many years to come. I can't wait to share these experiences with my daughter. :-)

Differences

Last night I went to see the movie, "Why Did We Get Married?" I went alone to the movie. My friends had commitments with their families and I didn't want to stay home. Knowing I was headed out the next night with friends, I decided to pick a movie and just go.

I gained an important perspective at the movies that night. The movie contains all black characters. As I purchased tickets and entered the theater, I noticed that I was one of a few white people watching the show. I sat down in one of my favorite areas of every theater (where the top balcony meets the railing --the side row). I had the whole row to myself. As the theater started filling up, there were very few seats left...and certainly, not entire side rows. Several people looked at me and passed right by my row. One man asked the people in the row behind me if the three end seats in their row were taken. She said, "yes, one of them is." As the people kept walking upward in the theater, the woman in the row behind me said to her friends, "why didn't they sit there (I knew they were pointing to my row in front of them.)." I heard the woman respond with.."nuh..uh (meaning...no way).

I felt like I was the outcast because I was white! In fact, everyone passed up my row until the lights went out and the movie started. It was only then that two black woman sat in my row.

After that experience I felt funny laughing at the black humor that was embedded into the movie. I thought, was I allowed to laugh at this humor? Did I have the right since I wasn't black?
The movie was very good, but I left the theater with a greater lesson than the plot of the movie. Discrimination is still very much a part of our culture. Differences are not always embraced.

I wonder what this will mean for my daughter, Mikayla. How will cultural differences impact her daily life and what can I do to embrace those differences?

Family

This weekend my parents, along with my Aunt Kathleen and Uncle Sal, visited me in Rochester. It was a wonderful visit. For the past decade...at least, if not longer, my parents have been coming to Rochester to visit me on Columbus Day weekend.

We did all the usual things we do when they visit on this weekend. We went to dinner at Tully's to have their favorite Cajun Chicken Pasta dish, visited the Public Market on Saturday for empanadas and great deals on fruits and vegetables, did some odd jobs around the house that only Dads can help with, and then went to the Letchworth Craft Fair on Sunday.

I worry about the distance between me and my family, but know that Rochester is such a great place for me to live. With my parents retired, they can and will easily drive or fly up to see Mikayla once she is with me. I am confident that there will be frequent visits here as well as me visiting Long Island.

As my family drove down my driveway, I choked up. We have a tradition in my family to wave to family as they leave until you can't see them anymore. I waved and they waved and I am sure they were just as sad as I was. However, I know that we don't let the distance get in our way. All of us make a commitment to visit and talk to each other so we are an intimate part of each others lives. I don't think that will ever change.

It's Been Five Months Already!

Wow! It's already been five months since my LID! I have to be honest and say that it has gone a lot faster than I thought it would. Of course, I have many more months to go, but it will be okay.

Today I went to the Naples Grape Festival in Naples, NY. It is one of my favorite festivals. I never really buy anything, but I sort of have the same routine every year I go. I take the long way there so I can travel on the country roads on a beautiful fall day. Then I park my car far away from town and stroll in on the sidewalks stopping at garage sales along the way. When I get to the fair I am always sold on some sort of fair food. After eating I examine more crafts and stroll back to my car.

This year my eyes and mind were opened up to all of the non-traditional families. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of families that have mixed ethnicities and cultural backgrounds. I probably never noticed before. In a few years I will be taking my daughter here. We will leave with a basket of grapes to make grape jelly. For now, I'll have to make it without her and think of the day we will be able to make it together like my mom used to do with me and my siblings. We used to take turns stirring the jelly while it was boiling in the stove.

Is Love Enough???

"Is loving someone enough?" As I think about my precious little daughter, I know that I already love her, but is that enough? Will that alone make me a good mother? Does the word "love" imply that I will automatically know what to do when she is sad or angry? Does it imply that I will always make the right decision? Does the phrase, "I love you" mean the same thing to everyone?

What exactly does "love" mean?

To me, the cultural ideal of familial love is one that is committed, unconditional, selfless, emotionally full, and reciprocally returned by the other. It is not necessary to be related by blood to develop this type of love towards any one. Simply put, the love for my adoptive daughter is familial love.

Based on my definition of love, love may be enough.

Notice from my Adoption Agency about the Increased Wait Time

Below is a copy of an e-mail message I received from my adoption agency today regarding the wait time. What is frustrating about all of this is that the wait time is currently averaging at 22 months and that is based on people who submitted their documents in late 2005. Since the fall of 2005 the number of people wanting to adopt from China increased dramatically, which will only lengthen that time for me. My length of time gets marked from 4/29/07 --almost five months down.

Dear friends and families of New Life Adoption Agency, Inc. (NLAA),

This message was received today from, Frank, in China. We would like to share it with you.

This question of the length for referral time has been frustrating us for a long time also. As we talk to other agency people, everybody is asking the same question.
There are many rumors which we have heard like: adoptions might stop for several months before and after the Olympics; normal adoptions will get longer and longer; etc. As a matter of fact, everybody knows that the waiting time has gotten longer and longer. We spoke to some of the people we know quite well at CCAA today, and they told us that “nobody knows for sure how long the families will need to wait; it will depend on the number of the children available for adoption and the number of families waiting for adoption." It might be shorter or might even be longer. Nobody, even the top leaders of CCAA, can predict how long the families will need to wait during the next two years. The only thing they could tell us is that it takes about 22 months now. None of them could give us any more information than this. They told us that they receive many phone calls every day from agencies who have been asking the same questions.

Please note: NLAA staff, in China, is very sensitive to the increase of the currently extended referral time. They are monitoring this matter on a regular basis.

To analyze this, in our historical experience of working in China for 15 years, referral times have fluctuated. Not long ago, the referral wait-time was 6-9 months. We have seen previous referral times anywhere from 6-24 months. What is interesting is that in the past, when China wants to shorten referral times, they have successfully done so in a matter of months. They seem to have the ability to quickly gear up to shortening referral times if they want to. Unfortunately, NLAA, nor any other adoption agency is able to demand a shorter referral time. Additionally, we commit to notifying you when we receive reliable and verifiable information, from our staff in China. It is not productive for anyone to spend time, energy and emotions trying to check out rumors.

The wait time is very hard. That is why we at NLAA have tried to keep you posted, by emails and scheduled get-togethers. If anyone is finding the referral wait-time too overwhelming, we encourage you to seek out support, through your social worker, clergy, or other professionals. We share your frustration and look forward to each waiting family receiving their referral.

Sincerely,

The Staff
of New Life Adoption Agency, Inc.

I Wonder...

I wonder about a lot of things these days:

• I wonder about the couple that is about to conceive a baby girl in China and what they are like.
• I wonder about the hope they have for their daughter the day they give her up for adoption.
• I wonder whether or not the birth parents will leave a note for the adoptive parent.
• I wonder about the wait time to bring my daughter home.
• I wonder what type of relationship I will have with my daughter.
• I wonder whether I will be young enough in body, mind, and spirit to raise my daughter the way I want to.
• I wonder whether she will enjoy the outdoors as much as I do. It is okay if she doesn't.
• I wonder if she can feel my love for her now....wherever she is in the universe.

The Impact of One...

My mom sent me an e-mail today with an attached picture of my great grandfather holding me on the day I was christened. I can't help but wonder what he was thinking as he held me in his arms and gazed into my eyes. Had he been waiting for me to be born? Had he looked forward to holding me in his arms? I feel confident that he felt many of the same emotions I am feeling now as I long for my daughter.

What amazes me about this picture is that this one person, on this one particular day, and in this one particular moment was giving all of his attention to me! That love, whether I remember it or not, poured into me and everyone around him. This picture captures that love as well as the fond memories my mother had of my great grandfather interacting with her as a child. My wish is for my daughter to experience that same love from her grandmother and papa, which I know she will. It already exists, whether she is here or not!

My mom writes,

Dear Lisa,

This is the picture of you and Grandpa Michael McAuley (My father's father) on your christening day. He rode the train from Ronkonkoma to Bellmore to attend your christening. This is probably one of the last pictures taken of him. At the end of August he died. I have this picture on the wall in my office next to the letter he wrote to me when I was 2 or 3. I attached that, too. Sometimes, when I am waiting for the computer to boot. I look over at the picture and the letter. I am reminded that I had a "Papa" too! Within 2 years we would move away to the suburbs. Trips to the dock, rides on the bus and visits to the 5&10 on the corner became less accessible. Dennis and I still remember!

Love, Mom

Being A Single Mom

I'm superwoman, right? No...I'm not naive. I know being a mom, single or otherwise is challenging. However, sometimes I get put off by people who question how I will do it on my own. The simple answer is, "I don't know, but I know I will." I have to remind myself that these are probably people who couldn't imagine being parents, let alone a single one.

Let me first say that I would love to find a man to share my life with who respects my decision to adopt and, if the relationship led to marriage, would also adopt my daughter. However, my priority is in creating a caring, loving family for my daughter. Whether that be as a single mom or not, does not matter.

I recently became a member of a Yahoo group for single women adopting from China . It has a lot of great information on it for me to review. I imagine as the next two-three years progress I will learn a lot from its members.

When I think about being a mom, my heart gets real warm and I always seem to picture a little girl who looks up at me with her big brown eyes and a smiling face. She is my pride and joy.

So, when you see me next, don't ask me, "How are you going to do it alone?" I already worry about that without you ever asking. Instead, ask me, "So, what image do you have of your daughter today?"

The Future

As I prepare to go out for the night on this "end of summer" Friday night, I am struck by how different my life will be in a few years. My Friday nights will be filled with pushes on a swing or giggles from my daughter as we play "peek-a-boo." Wow!!! My life is wonderful now and the addition of my daughter will only add to my happiness. The quotes below all have meaning to me as I reflect on some changes I have made in my life over the past year. Some people may have categorized the changes I made as risky or even a mistake, but to me they aided in me being able to get closer to the daughter I dream about holding in my arms.

The Future
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. --- Mark Twain

Do not follow where the path may lead.Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pray to God, but continue to row toward shore. --- Russian Proverb

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.--- Lao-Tzu

May you live all the days of your life. --- Jonathan Swift

We don't stop playing because we grow older, We grow older because we stop playing.

--- Nana (age 103)

Have great hopes and dare to go all out for them. Have great dreams and dare to live them.Have tremendous expectations and believe in them.

--- Norman Vincent Peale

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

--- Abraham Lincoln